Page 41 of The Only Thing That's Real

“Anyway, a month and a half later, I took a pregnancy test. There was nobody else, so I knew it was yours. I freaked out. I was just finishing school, living in California on my own, barely able to afford my apartment. This wasn’t part of my plan. Not to mention, you were my best friend’s brother. Regardless, I knew I was keeping the baby. But then all the things I mentioned before kept me up at night and I decided I would keep your identity to myself. I didn’t tell my parents, Daisy... nobody. If I’m keeping it real, if it hadn’t been for things getting serious with Angus, I may have kept it to myself forever. I’m ashamed to say it, but at the time that’s how I felt.”

This makes me bristle. But we can’t go backward. Herplan didn’t come to fruition, and we’re starting from scratch today.

“There was no way I could do it on my own. So, after graduation, I turned down the full-time job I had been offered and moved back home to live in my parents’ barndominium. Got a job waiting tables at Gracie’s cafe and was fortunate that my parents were retired and could watch him while I worked.”

“I’m sorry you gave up so much. I would have helped. I hope you know that.”

“I know, Knox. It was my choice. I did a lot of things wrong, and I just hope you can forgive me one day.”

“You’re forgiven.”

A steady stream of fresh tears appear, her body shaking from her sobs. Her hands cover her face and my brother mouths, “thank you” to me. All I can do is nod, because what is the other option? Start drama and lose more time with my kid? Get lawyers involved? It would be her worst-case scenario becoming a reality.

“Tell me more.”

Mia gains her composure and tells me how she told everyone the father wasn’t interested, and she wouldn’t discuss it further. She tells me about her 36 hours of labor and how she thought about me when she named him. She gave him the middle name of Brian. Now it’s my turn to get emotional. Sniffing, I quickly wipe away a renegade tear.

She gave my son the same middle name that my brothers and I share, which means more to me than she will ever know. We laughed when she said Daisy thought it was her way of naming him after her since her middle name is Brianna.

From there, she shares a bit more about their day-to-day life with her job as a lead medical assistant at a new medical clinic and tells me all the things Sawyer’s into. Like trucks, especially fire trucks, dinosaurs, and Bernadette, my mom’s cow.

I take it all in, trying to burn every detail into my brain. I’ve missed too much of his short life and even though I’ve been in the same room with him many times, I can’t wait to meet him. Like, really meet him.

Angus asks the question I think Mia is afraid to ask. “So, what do you want to do?”

“Well, I want to be in his life, but I don’t want to ruin his life. I don’t want to mess up the family the three of you are creating.” My stomach churns even though I mean what I’m saying. I want Mia and Gus to be happy, and I know my baby brother would be a much better father than I could ever be. It hurts, and it’s hard, but it’s the truth. “He’s young and I know he doesn’t really understand everything right now, so if we could start with me spending time with him, that would be great. We can work on the rest when you’re ready or when you both think he’s ready.”

“Brother, if you’re going to be a part of his life, you’ll be a part of those decisions, too. He’s your son and I don’t want to take anything away from you. I’m not going anywhere. So, sooner rather than later, we need to come up with a plan that works for everyone.”

Anxiety creeps its way into my central nervous system. A sheen of sweat coats my skin. Ripping the towel still around my neck off, I toss it to the floor, hoping to cool myself.

“I agree. Mia?”

Her voice is barely audible when she replies. “I agree.”

I check the time on the screen and know my quiet reprieve will end at any moment, and I really don’t want to explain myself just yet. Tonight has left me with a lot to sort through on my own before I share with anyone else.

“Listen, the guys are gonna be back on the bus any minute. But I’ll be home after the tour and plan on staying for a bit. How about we plan some time when I get back to spend with him and we go from there? We don’t have to figure it all out tonight.”

“That sounds perfect.” Mia seems relieved she has weeks before she has to deal with this face to face.

“Thanks for the call, you two. Again, I’m sorry for my initial reaction to the news. I was upset.”

“You had every right to be. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“It is what it is. It’s out there now and we’ll make this work. We’ll also talk about finances at a later date. I know you said you don’t want anything from me, and yes, I started the trust for him. But if you think I am just going to sit back and not contribute to my child’s day-to-day well-being, youwillhave a fight on your hands. I won’t take him away from you, but you have to let me help. Again, a conversation for another day, but one that will be had when I get home in August.”

She nods, because what can she say when I’m promising not to take him away from her?

“Miss you, brother.”

“Miss you too, Gus. Mia, thanks again. You two have a good night.”

“You too,” he replies as Mia wiggles her fingers goodbye.

I close my laptop and stand, finding it hard to believethis is my reality when my phone pings. It’s a message from my brother.

Gus

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