Page 6 of The Only Thing That's Real

“Headed back to my room.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be in a meeting with Ryan right now?” Sean asks, confused.

“We met.”

Looking at his non-existent watch, he calls me out on my bullshit. “Uh, it started two minutes ago. Why are you going back to your room?”

“I wasn’t really feeling it.”

“Knox McKinnon,” Marie scolds me, stepping into my space. “So help me. If you were a jerk to her, I will make you pay. Ryan is one of the good ones. She’s one of us. You don’t get to brush her off because you’re in a bad mood.”

How the hell did they all grow so close to her so quickly? What am I missing?

Before I can ask, sweet little Hannah takes my hand. “Come to our room and we’ll play Uno. It’ll make you feel better.”

The elevator doors open on the top floor and Hannah tugs me out into the hallway. I didn’t answer her request, but she knows I can’t refuse her. Besides, Uno is our thing. I’ve spent more time with Hannah in the last couple months than I have with anyone.

While we wait for Sean to open the door, Marie gives me another warning. “I’m not playing, McKinnon. Be nice to Ryan. If not, you’ll not only face my wrath, but Kristen and Jenn’s, too.”

“What is it about this woman that has you all under her spell?”

“You’re kidding me, right?”

Hannah pulls me away from her mom, into the hotel suite to the living room table. The Uno cards are already waiting for us. We both set our butts on the plush carpet to play while I pretend I don’t feel her mom’s death stare boring into the back of my head.

After a couple games, it’s time for the kids to do their schoolwork and to be honest, my knees, back, and ass can’t take a minute longer on this damn floor. I’d never complain about spending time with my little Hannah Banana, but these knees of mine are not getting any younger.

However, game time for Uncle Knox is just getting started. Matt’s son, Connor, texted me while I was getting my ass handed to me by Hannah, challenging me to a round of pool. He assured me he was done with his schoolwork, so I accepted his challenge. Now I’m heading over to the Clark’s suite down the hall.

Hanging with the kids is pretty routine for me on this tour. I’m not ashamed to admit I love every second. I rarely get back-to-back hang time, but after the way my day started, the distraction is nice. Bringing the families on this final tour was the best decision the band ever made.

These kids will never know how lucky they are to have parents who prioritize their well-being and sense of normalcy. We only perform Friday through Sunday, leaving the other days of the week for travel, sightseeing, and schoolwork. Sean, Matt, Jay, and I may not get to go on all the fun fieldtrips with them, but their moms, and sometimes their grandparents, are always there. No nannies.

The seven kids of my bandmates are like brothers and sisters. They live minutes from each other in Calabasas and have this whole other life that I’m not a part of. Sure, when I’m in L.A. I’m always around. Celebrities aren’t that big of a deal where they live, and I do my best to attend birthday parties, school performances, and sporting events.

My bandmates don’t exclude me intentionally. I don’t have a family, and I split my time between Los Angeles andNew York. Until recently, I was always out doing what people like me do. Living like the cliché I’d become. I haven’t beenoutonce since that fateful call. Haven’t been drunk. Haven’t been laid. Haven’t gotten rid of the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

“Knoooooox!” Ben yells, giving me a millisecond of warning before slamming into my legs the minute Kristen lets me in to the Clark’s suite.

“What’s up, my guy?” I pick him up, flipping him onto my shoulders. He holds his arms out wide, and I fly him around the room making zoom noises. He’s five now and every time we do this, it gets a little harder than the time before. The kids gonna be a linebacker or a WWE wrestler. He’s huge and hyper, but as smart as they come.

“Just finished my third book this week! I’m gonna finish all my summer reading before everyone else.”

Like I said. Smart.

“Well done, little man,” I say, lifting him from my shoulders and setting him on his feet.

We high-five and he runs ahead of me. “Uncle Knox is here!”

When I’m in this environment I’m all about the kids. When I’m back home, around family, I put on this persona as though I don’t want to be a parent. That kids give me the ick. It’s my way of shielding myself from the pity in Mom’s eyes and the questions on everyone else’s lips. If I make it known I’m not interested in a family, nobody asks. Mom doesn’t feel sorry for me.

Doesn’t mean that it’s true, though.

The Clarks are staying in the grand penthouse while we’re in Nashville. They’re a big group and need the space. Ifollow Ben and the sound of clacking pool balls until we find Connor and his dad, Matt, on either side of a pool table in the game room. Kristen calls Ben’s name from somewhere in the penthouse and he runs out of the room to find her.

The too cool for school twelve-year-old son is the first one to notice me. He gives me a cool-dude chin lift. “Hey, Knox.”

“What’s up, Connor? You letting your dad kick your butt?”

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