Page 99 of The Only Thing That's Real

“Dude, it’s all good,” Sean says, brushing things off like he always does.

“It’s not.”

“Can you tell us what changed? Why the animosity?”

“Fuck.” I rub my hand over my face. “The truth is, the three of you have been living the life I’ve always wanted.” Met with confused looks, I continue. “Wives, kids, families…”

“Excuse me?” Matt says. “Mister, no commitment and blow jobs from supermodels whenever he wants. All you do is bitch about how boring we are and how we’ve ruined the band.”

“Yeah, and it’s all bullshit.”

Silence.

“You three are living the dream,” I continue, retaking my seat at the head of the table. “Watching you each find your person. Fall in love. Have kids. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Yet, I hadn’t found my person. Didn’t have that someone to lean on. And yes, before you say it, I know I still had the three of you and your families are my family too, but it’s not the same. I was never enough for anyone. The somewhat attractive lead singer with good hair bullshit only lasts so long. Once anyone got close enough to know the real me, they bailed. Or they were just using me for the fame. I put up walls to prevent anyone from getting too close to avoid the rejection before it could happen.”

“Knox,” Jay says quietly, but I continue.

“It was too much to take at times. My envy fueling the anger I hurled in your direction. I tried to numb it with alcohol, but booze just made it worse. Made me meaner. Made me do stupid shit like what happened with Mia. The night we made Sawyer was an all-time low for me. I’m not sure I had ever been that drunk or hateful. It should have been the night of our lives, and I was the plastered asshole who fucked it all up. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry for all the years you’ve put up with me. You didn’t have to. You could have told me to kick rocks a long time ago and it would have been understandable. But you didn’t. Thank you for sticking by my side through the shit years.”

Matt speaks first. “None of us are perfect, man. It’s not like the sun shines out our asses. We’ve all gone through shit and have been there for each other.”

“I appreciate that, but I think we can all agree, I’ve been a bigger pain in your asses than you’ve been in mine.”

“Wish you would have told us about how you’ve felt all these years. About Mia and Sawyer. About Ryan. About whatever’s going on in your life.”

“I know, Matt. My pride got in the way.”

“Brothers. Always,” Jay states. Two words that mean so much.

“I know.”

“Do you?” he fires back. “Because we are family. We love you.”

“Ditto,” Sean agrees.

“I love you fuckers, too. That includes you.” I point in Trevor’s direction.

Trevor nods. Clearing the emotion from his throat. “It seems you may have found your person though.”

Jay perks up. “Yes, give us the tea.”

“The tea?”

“Shut up. You know what I mean, how the hell did that come about?”

“He heard her sing!” Sean says, smacking the table.

“That sure didn’t hurt. I mean, for fuck’s sake, that voice of hers,” I confess.

“No shit.” Matt shakes his head. “Don’t think any of us expected that.”

“So, are the two of you making beautiful music together?” Sean bats his eyelashes at me, thinking he’s funny.

“All I will say is it happened slowly. Things started becoming real a few weeks ago, but I don’t want to share too much.”

“Don’t want to jinx it?” Jay asks, knocking on the wooden table for luck.

“I guess so, but also because I haven’t talked to her about it yet. I’m not sure what she wants to share.”

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