Page 1 of Unbearable

I’ve grown up around cars. Though I don’t work on them, I can change oil, tell you why your truck’s smoking and know the size of the engine just by the rumble. It’s a gift I’ve grown to appreciate.

Another thing I have a knack for is knowing when someone is lying to me. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I didn’t have this particular gift. There’s something to be said for living without knowledge of knowing someone you thought cared about you was in fact lying to you. This was never more obvious to me than when I showed up at my boyfriend’s dorm room with the intention of surprising him. I knew the minute he opened the door, red faced and half dressed, we would never be the same.

“Jesus Christ, Holden. How could you?” was my first question as I pushed through the door and glanced around his dorm room. On the floor were scattered sheets and a girl’s black heels and panties. “Who the fuck is she?”

He blinked several times trying to come up with a lie and grabbing at my shoulders. “Raven, you need tocalmdown. This isn’t what it looks like.”

The worst part is he believes he’s being serious.

“Really? Oh good, because for a minute it looked like you were fucking a blonde whore in your dorm room! Wow, I’m totally relieved it’s not what it looks like!” I pushed him away from me. I needed space and he was sucking the breath right out of me.

Crouching down, I put my hand on my chest trying to calm my heart. I probably looked like a complete mess and I could only imagine what Fuck Me Barbie must have thought but I didn’t give a shit. Holden and I have been together since high school and I deserved better than this.

“Four years! Four. Fucking. Years!Why? Give me a reason as towhyyou felt dipping your dick in her was worth breaking my heart?” I hated my tears sliding down my cheeks. Showing weakness was the last thing I wanted to do but I couldn’t help it. My heart was totally fucking breaking.

He pushed out a labored breath and reached for his jeans. There was movement all around me but I was focused onhim, the one causing me pain. “Seriously? Damn, Raven. Do you have any idea how controlling you are?” He zipped his pants while the average-looking blonde searched for her bra. Stupid perky fucking tits, tan skin and all. How she looked that good for being in Oregon wasn’t lost on me. She was probably from California. All sluts belonged in California as far as I was concerned.

At first, I thought to myself, Holden’s assessment of me was ridiculous. Controlling? Yeah, I liked order and yeah I could be a bit of a bitch if things weren’t as they should be, but controlling?

Really?

Okay, so maybe what he said was somewhat accurate but it didn’t give him a license to have sex with other girls behind my back. He was not the fucking victim.

“If you felt that way why didn’t you just break up with me? Why go behind my back and purposely hurt me like this?” I asked because I really wanted to know. Why did we have to end this way?

His eyes meet mine with wide uncertainty. “Look, babe, let’s be totally honest here. I’m pledging to one of the elite fraternities on campus. Some of my brothers are future heads of industry with serious family money backing them.” He grabbed at the back of his neck, leaning into the wall as he continued, “The connections I’m making will help me to secure my future in business and in order to achieve these connections, I have to live up to a certain persona. Dating my hometown sweetheart isn’t going to cut it. Truth be told the only reason I didn’t break up with you before this is because of our history. You’re lucky I held on this long.”

I clenched my teeth together, anger and hatred spilling out of me with each shocked blink I took.Holy shit.I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I stared at Holden unable to get my thoughts together. Who the hell was this person? After four years together you would hope you know someone but apparently, I didn’t know him at all.

Completely taken by surprise by what he just said, I couldn’t even think. All I knew was that I couldn’t walk away without hurting him in some way.

“Well, you’re an indecisive jerk who can’t remember to zip his pants after he takes a piss. Not to mention you’relousyin bed, ya dumb dick,” I said, the heat in my face reaching record temps. It was like a high fever when even blinking took effort.

Holden smirked, which was the wrong thing to do when I was this mad. “You’re overreacting.”

“That’s the wrong thing to say to me.” I look to the average-looking blonde. “Just a little bit of advice, he likes it when I stick my finger up his ass during sex. Careful, I think he might be gay.”

Holden’s smirk faded and anger replaced it. I knew it was immature but I didn’t give a shit. I may not have been able to hurt him the same way he hurt me, but there was no way I was walking away without at least putting a chink in his armor. Asshole.

That night was the start of it. The very beginning. Like in the movies where the main character is sitting there wondering “How did I get here?” and you see a flash of a scene as to why and where it started. That’s my why and where. Right then. The unforgettable.

After Holden and I broke up, not only did I have an emotional breakdown but I went intofull-blowndepression. I don’t mean slightly depressed and indulging in ice cream and sappy movies because there’s that. I’m talking about the type of depression where you just sat and cried for days, barely moving, barely breathing. It was pathetic. But then again, I was with him for four years and he was my only taste of love. Needless to say, it was my first broken heart. And now I wanted to wash my mouth out with soap and never have that horrible fucking taste again.

This went on for weeks before Rawley, my twin brother, finally decided it was time for me to get over my shit and took me out with him and his band one night in March. It should have been a laidback night of watching my brother’s band play and having a few drinks. I was only nineteen, but we knew the owner and it was my chance to at least drink and forget the horror of my life. So I went.

My brother’s advice before we entered Murphy’s Bar? He’s a fucking slut so I never listen to him but he said, and I quote: “Raven, one thing always leads to another.”

“You want a drink?” Zack asks me. He went to high school with Red, my oldest brother, and he’s always been cool about serving me even though I’m not twenty-one yet.

“Fuck yeah, I want a drink.” I set my purse on the bar. “Serve that shit up.”

Zack smirks. “All right, well hold tight. I’ll make you something special. You look like you could use it.” While Zack goes about creating whatever surprise he has in store for me, I bob my head to the beginning beats of the song Rawley’s doing sound check to. I love that he’s playing one of the originals he wrote. He doesn’t do it very often because he thinks no one wants to hear it. They’d rather hear him doing covers of Nickelback.

Just as quickly as he’s done with that song, he moves onto “Stroke Me” by Mickey Avalon. It cracks me up this one is on his set list because it’s unlike him. But I get why. He puts on a good show with it and that’s what he’s good at. Putting on a show.

Rawley’s been in a band since he was I don’t even know how old. It’s always been him, Linc and Beck. The three of them play good together and someday I honestly believe they’ll make it to the big time. That’s if my brother can keep his shit together long enough to make it work. He’s one of those guys who doesn’t like to be told what to do. He wants to play at his own will and if you try to tell him when and where, he just says fuck you and walks away.

The drink Zack makes me is a half piña colada and half strawberry daiquiri and it’s the best fucking thing I’ve had in my life. I suck the damn thing down in less than five minutes risking the brain freeze because I can’t believe how damn good it is.

---