Page 13 of Unbearable

I draw in a breath, one that comes from deep within and offers no relief. “You know, for six months I’ve been playing by the rules, putting on a show in front of my brother, your friends, work, all that, but I’m tired of pretending. Tell me where we stand.”

I feel bad pushing him. I don’t want what we have to end and I don’t think Ty does either, but I still need an answer. Hurting me is the last thing he wants but the reality is when sex gets involved, someone always gets hurt.

Honestly, I really don’t know what’s holding him back. Maybe it’s the six-year age difference.

Maybe Holden is right and I’m too controlling and I’m coming across as needy. Or maybe it’s Tyler just being too stubborn to see the possibilities.

Why? Why isn’t it as obvious to him as it is to me that we have something that could be more, so much more. All I want is for him to be open to the possibility that this has become more than what we intended when we made our agreement. That maybe, just maybe, this could be love. One sided? Most likely. But love just the same.

And now I sound like a cheesy version of aDirty Dancingsong.

Staring at Tyler, it’s clear he has no idea how much anxiety beats in my chest and how every word we haven’t said these last six months took pieces of me.

In a huffed breath, he lets out a sarcastic laugh, shaking his head, unable to say anything more.

My legs start shaking. Breathing too fast, the action too much, my heart threatening to give out. “Seriously, Tyler,whatdoes all of this mean to you?”

There’s a deep inhale, his chest expanding. He’s studying me and gauging my words and reaction to this. I do my best not to give away anything, but I’m sure I fail miserably. “Why does it have to mean anything? We didn’t go into this looking for it to mean something. We went into it looking to have fun. We both agreed. Now you’re looking for a definition I can’t give you and it’s not fair. I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t change the game. You did. I didn’t go into this looking to fall in love. Had I, sure, maybe it could have turned into something more. But I didn’t and you knew that, Raven. I just don’t understand why you’re trying to find a bigger meaning in something so simple.”

I can’t meet his eyes when I say, “There’s nothing wrong with wanting a bit of clarity.”

His teeth grind, his swallow rolling over this throat. “Is that what this is? You’re gonna be gone during the week so you’re feeling insecure? Don’t be. We started with you being gone during the week. Nothing needs to change and this isn’t a matter of me not falling in love with you.” His body remains rigid, his face impassive. He’s putting up a shield, guarding himself from giving away too much. “It’s about me not falling in love, period. End of story. I don’t want love. I’m not looking for it. It’s something I told you from the very beginning I didn’t want in my life.”

“Okay, fine.” There is a tightness in my chest I don’t understand as the words spill from my lips. Biting the inside of my cheek, blood pools in my mouth. I force myself to stay calm and not let him see how his words are chipping away at my already fractured heart.

Standing from the bed, I reach for my clothes on the floor.

“I’m not trying to be a dick, Raven.” He moves in front of me, refusing to let me get out of his room. “I like my life the way it is. This isn’t about you and me. Please understand that.”

His voice is pleading. I have to believe him. There’s so much vulnerability in his voice. “So, while I’m away… you’re planning on having sex with whoever you feel like?” I’m searching for meaning.

“I haven’t thought about it.” I can see it written all over his face. It’s in the pull of his brow. He honestly hasn’t yet. Part of me is thankful for that.

“I just—” I don’t even know what I’m trying to say now.

“Come on, let’s not fight about this. We don’t fight. We have fun.” He cups my cheek, his thumb dragging over my lip when he pulls me in. It’s relaxing in a sense because the last thing I want to do is fight with him. “Why can’t we just enjoy the moment that we have now? Stop worrying about what will happen once you’re not here every day.” He watches my face close, the desperation to change the situation clear. “Come here.”

I do as he says, our chests touching, my emotions all over the place. Once our bodies are coming together, he turns me around so my back is to his chest. His breathing changes, his heart thumping between my shoulder blades and I know then this, us being together, is having some sort of effect on him. Maybe that’s why he’s doing it, making me stand this way. He knows if I could see his face, I would be able to see the truth. Whether it’s because he’s trying to protect me or hide from me is what I don’t quite know.

Breathing in deeply, his chest expands into me.

His hand glides across my stomach until he reaches my thighs.

He moves us to the bed with me lying on top of him, my back still pressed to his chest. With heavy breaths in my ear, his hand moving lower until his thumb drags over my clit. “Just relax. Enjoy the moment. Let me take care of you,” he breathes out as two fingers slide into me. His left hand moves from my hip to my neck, squeezing and angling my head back so he can kiss my neck.

Arching my back into him, his hips raise at the contact my ass makes with his erection. Every time he touches me my heart races erratically, uncontrollably and I find it hard to catch my breath.

Reaching up to grab a fistful of his hair behind me, I cry out when his teeth sink into my shoulder. I need more. Never before has this ache been so intense. When he moves, thrusting his hips up and dragging my ass against his erection, I search for friction as his fingers continue to move inside me.

There’s a heat between us, stronger than the sultry haze in the room as I squirm on top of him. My reactions, my moans of pleasure spark a response in him, his left hand slowly moving back down to squeeze my hip.

With him hard between the cheeks of my ass, his mouth on the back of my neck goes wild with heavy kisses as his groans of pleasure pass over my skin.

And all I can do is remember to breathe and say his name, and when I’m so, so close, I tell him and his mouth bites down on my shoulder again, muffling his groan. He’s rubbing and stroking with his talented fingers, and then I’m panting and crying out with my release at his touch. He covers the sounds with his hand that was on my hip, his fingers inside my mouth. I suck on them, my tongue swirling around his fingers, sucking them like I would his dick. His hands are all man, calloused edges of a roughened mechanic, the faintest hints of grease and oil on my tongue. It’s a harsh comfort being held captive at the hands of this man, rugged and raw.

His hips jerk, thrilling movements that push me over the edge again with every sensation-soaked arch of my back.

When we part, I sit up, straddling his lap and look over my shoulder at him. The look on his face is one of hunger. While my need has been met, his is still very much there.

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