Page 14 of Unbearable

I twist around and face him, my hands resting on his chest. His breath speeds as he watches my hand glide down his forearms. Taking a shuddering breath, his eyes close when my I palm his erection.

“Fuck, I have to be inside you. Now.” His mouth finds mine, unable to part from me.

My kisses ask unspoken questions. I can’t help it.

He offers nothing but hunger and passion, two things he’s always shown me.

He moves us back, lying me down on the bed, his hands cradling my head. Deepening the kiss, he groans and presses me into the mattress. My body tenses, my arms stiff, wrapping around him. It’s then he remembers the condom and draws back once more.

I’m in the middle of his bed when he’s crawling back on after putting a condom on. Grabbing me by the ankles, he slides me underneath him. Lifting my right leg, he enters me in one swift, brazen move.

Just when I think it will be like every other time and I’m waiting for the more dominate side of Tyler, I’m shown something else entirely.

His hand that’s on my hip moves to cradle my head, his grip never tightening as he threads his fingers in my hair. Tenderly, his lips cover mine, breathing the words, “Don’t think,” against them.

Our gaze locks and then falls away as he deepens the kiss again. Thrusting inside me, I can understand what he’s trying to do. Make me see that despite me not getting what I wanted, he’s giving me what he can. He cares. It’s just the place in his life where it’s not right. I get that.

Threading my fingers through his hair, I try to give him what I can. My understanding.

His tongue slides across my collarbone, my legs lifting to wrap around his waist.

He shudders, his hands in my hair. Kissing down my neck, he rocks into me with slow languid movements that set my nerves a blaze.

Drawing back, he swallows, his chest heaving with a breath, the muscles in his throat working. “God,Raven.”

He doesn’t last long and I’m not surprised. All I can do is lie there and feel him because it’s the best fucking thing I ever felt, being with him like this.

“Raven,” he whispers again, his lips close to my ear. It’s two more thrusts inside me before his body shakes, his mouth returning against my lips as we share breaths. His hands, his lips, the ones that have touched me so intensely over the last few months, hold me in place.

Breathing heavily against my ear, he holds himself still, gripping my hips so hard they begin to hurt.

I let my hand drift up to the side of his face, running my fingertips along the edge of his cheek. For a spilt second, his eyes open to me. I want to see warmth and connection reach his eyes, and when I don’t see it, a hint of fear pricks at my skin because all that’s there is sadness. His lids fall shut again as he kisses me harder.

He slows it down and he kisses me softly, pouring emotions he says he doesn’t have into them. Under the sadness, there’s vulnerability he doesn’t want.

Rolling off me, he lies on the bed, breathing heavily.

I sit up, curling into myself and then he’s sitting up too, his hands resting on his bare legs. That intense stare lingers on me, as does the confusion. Running his hand over the back of his neck, there’s hesitation in his movements. “Raven,” he whispers, the lowness hitting my stomach with the fragile way I’m holding onto his expression. “I know when you leave this room you’re going to pick apart everything that’s been said and in doing that, you’re going to focus on me telling you I didn’t want anything but sex.” He leans in enough for his lips to meet my forehead, his grip around my waist tightening. “But what I want you to understand, no, I need you to understand, it’s not that I can’t fall in love, it’s that I don’t want to. Yeah, another time, another place, maybe things could’ve been different and believe me, hands down, Raven, it would have been you, but it’s just not who I am. What we have right now, this is all I can give. I’m sorry if that’s not enough.”

Reality crashes down on me like a wrench straight to my temple. A wave of heat hits me, this one humiliation because like it or not, I’m emotionally invested.

Stupid girl.

I turn away, my eyes on the wall because I’m about to cry. I know he cares about me but what we’re doing doesn’t matter to him in the same way it does to me.

To him it’s sex. Always will be.

He kisses the spot between my shoulders and then the back of my neck.

Goose bumps shiver over my skin. “I have to go. I’m heading to Eugene in the morning. My classes start tomorrow.” My voice breaks apart, much like my heart. “I’ll be back on Friday though.”

Blinking at my words, he turns me around, his eyes on mine. I don’t recognize the expression on his face. It’s one I’ve never seen before. Regret? Doubtful.

“I’m looking forward to it.” A smile plays at his lips, and though it’s a familiar sight, one I’ve seen often these last few months, something seems different about it. He leans toward me, kissing the shell of my ear. With his hands on my shoulders, he pulls away.

Removing my hand from around his neck, he kisses the knuckles of my right hand and touches my face with the other.

My stomach twists the moment I’m out the door because I know what’s happening, I’m falling for him and the gutting reality is he isn’t, nor will he let himself.

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