Page 29 of Unbearable

I’m the normal half of the two. I swear, but he’s the fun-loving joking half where if there’s fun to be had, I’m going to weigh my risks first. Rawley will just react and think later.

I know when the change happened, but I don’t want to tell Sophie because it happened when they broke up. It was slow at first, but then when Dad died, there was no coming back from it. He distanced himself from everyone but music. Gone was the automatic smile every time he walked into a room. You could always count on him to ease the tension when things between Dad and Red would get heated, which believe it or not, happened more than you’d think.

I’ve been so wrapped up in Tyler lately I haven’t stopped to look at Rawley and what I could do to help him. I know if it were me, and I was going through this, he’d help me.

When Holden and I broke up, he came to my college and spent the entire weekend with me making me laugh.

“Why don’t you just distance yourself from him?” I know it’s probably way harder than I realize. Probably for the same reason I know there’s nothing ever going to change Tyler’s mind about wanting a relationship, but I still stick around.

“I still love him,” Sophie tells me and then takes a sip of her coffee. “I know I made a huge mistake spring break. I don’t even know how it happened and I tried explaining it to him. One minute I was fine and the next I’m waking up next to some random guy. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt Rawley. Ever. Nothing compares to the way we were when it was good. I just hoped maybe with time he could forgive me, but he just keeps acting like he’s going to and then when we start spending time together, he sleeps around, as if it’s payback or something.”

“You don’t deserve to be treated like crap though, Sophie. Yeah, you made a mistake but you were eighteen and in Mexico. A lot of people make mistakes in Mexico. I bet you if the tables were turned and it happened to him, he’d be a lot different.”

Her eyes dart around the coffee shop and then back to mine, tears falling now. “I just don’t know what to do.”

“I think you need to consider letting him go. If you’re meant to be, he’ll figure his shit out. I know he loves you.”

She laughs through her tears. “He has a shitty way of proving it.”

I laugh and look down at my phone to check the time. “Yeah, well, he’s Rawley. As Nova would say lately, we shouldn’t expect so much from him.”

My words have me thinking though. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. I guess I could say the same for Tyler and me. Why am I trying to push something he doesn’t feel? Probably because I don’t want to lose him, so I settle for what I can have. Much like Sophie. If she can’t have my brother in the ways she wants, she settles for what she can have. The jerk.

Drawing in a deep breath, Sophie lets it out slowly. “How’s college life? I heard you’re with Tyler now?” You can’t miss the gleam in her eyes. She definitely wants me to be happy but if only she knew. “College is okay. Lonely sometimes, but good. It’s nice being able to come home on the weekends.”

“And Tyler?” I know she’s curious because like I said, Sophie and I were friends in middle school, long before her and Rawley got together or Holden and me. She knew I secretly had a crush on him.

“So take your situation with Rawley, take away the cheating and add a guy who refuses to commit.”

Sophie laughs. “What’s with the men in this town?”

“I’m not sure.” I look at my phone again. “I’m sorry but I have to get going. I have an eleven o’clock class I need to make it to.”

Sophie waves her hand around and then stands. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you.”

“You didn’t keep me.” Standing, I hug her close. “I’m here for you if you need me.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.”

As I’m leaving the coffee shop, my mind races over our conversation and my situation. In many ways—much like Sophie—I felt like Tyler’s toy, shelved up high, out of reach of everyone else, and brought down easily when he wanted to play, as sad as that was to admit.

My thoughts are a reminder that I can’t change how I feel about him. I’m trying but I’m consumed with one thought, one mindset. Tyler.

He’s in my head, wrapped around every thought and decision I’m making.

Why is it that I can’t forget him?

Probably because he’s Tyler Hemming and the bastard won’t let me. Or, it’s because I keep going back for more.

As if I needed a reminder of this morning, he sends me a text after my 11:00 a.m. class.

Tyler: My wang is lonely without his muff. I should have taken you up on the offer.

I hate how that one text sends my heart into a rapid beat and my cheeks flush remembering the wrench this morning.

Me: Last class is at 1. Be there tonight. Think you’ll be done on time tonight?

Tyler: We’re slow today. Makes it worse because suddenly I’m staring at my tools…

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