Page 31 of Unbearable

I’m such a fucking idiot.

Though I don’t want to, the longer I stare at my cell phone and the last text message of him sending me a picture of a wrench, I cave. It might be a mistake, but I make the call anyway.

He answers on the first ring, probably thinking it’s me looking for a booty call. “Hello?”

“I deserve better,” I tell him immediately.

“What?”

“I deserve better!” I yell. “Damn it. Why won’t you love me?” I fully admit to sounding like a whining brat but I blame the liquid in my cup and me wanting an answer.

“Raven?” He sounds confused, his breathing speeding up. “Are you okay?”

“I justwantto know. Why won’t you love me?”

He sighs, heavily. The last thing hewantsto do is admit to me why he won’t love me. It’s like he’s keeping his heart on lock down. “Are you drunk?”

“Yeah.” I laugh. “I wouldn’t saythissober.”

“Whereare you?” He sounds upset now, his tone demanding like if I don’t answer, he might scold me like a child.

Or spank me.

Don’t answer him. See if he spanks you later.

I do answer him though, because I want some answers. Drunk me is persistent and demanding. “What do you care?”

He sighs heavily. “Raven…. You know I care.”

“No.” I shake my head adamantly, though he can’t see it. “No, I don’t. You told me youdidn’tlove me.”

“I never said I didn’t care,” he says immediately.

“Whatever.” I throw my hand up in the air. “It doesn’t matter. Just answer my question. Why won’t you love me?”

“I won’t until you tell me where you are. I mean it, Raven. Where the fuck are you?”

“I don’t know.” I flip my hand around and lay back in the wet grass that’s seeping through my jeans. “I came to a frat party and Holden was there and I got drunk… and I don’t know now. I wandered.”

“What frat house?”

“I’m not in a house. I’m on the grass. It’s wet.”

“Talk to me.” I hear doors slamming around and what sounds like his truck starting. “I’m coming to get you.”

I shake my head back and forth, the smell of dirt all around me. “If you don’t love me, why are you coming to get me?”

“No matter what, I’m your friend and I care about you. I want you to be safe. Tell me where you are? What fraternity?”

“I don’t even know. It’s a brown house though. Does that help?”

“Don’t move, don’t talk to anyone and don’t drink anything.”

“Why would you come get me, Tyler?” I don’t wait for him to answer before I say, “I don’t need to be rescued.”

And then I hang up on him and rest my phone on my stomach, staring up at the spinning sky and ignore the ringing when he immediately calls back.

Why do I keep falling for the wrong guy? Maybe it’s not even that I’m falling for the wrong guy. Maybe I’m the wrong girl. I clearly wasn’t meant for Holden and now Tyler, he’s adamant I’m not the right girl for him to love.

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