Page 45 of Unbearable

“No, seriously, what are we doing?” My eyes close when he enters me for the third time tonight, just before the sun’s rising. “If this was what I wanted, you’d be with me,only me.”

He can’t miss the way I say only me. And he doesn’t.

His stare moves to mine. He’s trying to keep the conversation light, but it can’t be, and he knows damn well it won’t. There’s hurt and resentment for what we’re doing, though we both avoid it.

I can see something in his life is changing him in ways I hate, something he’s not telling me. When I look into his eyes, I see stress where I once saw a bright-eyed guy living life to its fullest every day. Maybe it’s the stress of the job or the changes with him and Red, but maybe it’s more, maybe it’s me or Berkley. There’s just so many questions in my head I can’t handle it. Could it be that our situation is just as stressful on him as it is on me?

I hide my face in his neck. My breath catches as he rocks against me, harsh breathing and slow moans controlling me for a moment.

“It’s not like I’m sleeping with anyone else, Raven.” He props himself up with his elbows, his brow furrowing, but he keeps his movements slow.

My gaze drops from his, losing the battle, wilting under the burn of his eyes, and I know the discussion is over, as it always is. He gave me an answer, but I know I’m still not getting what I want. He might be sleeping with just me, but it doesn’t mean he wants anything more than he’s giving me now.

My body is tense, his words controlling my mood. He senses the change and shakes his head, pulling out of me and rolling to the side, never finishing, the moment ruined by words.

His jaw tightens and he brings the sheet up around his waist after discarding the condom in the trash next to his bed.

“Why can’t this ever be easy for us?” He’s staring at the wall now. “Why does it have to turn into this every time?”

You have no idea, Tyler. No fucking idea.

“I’m sorry. I just don’t want to be this girl.” Rolling to my side, I face him, needing to look in his eyes, only his found refuge in the ceiling.

“For fuck’s sake, Raven, you act like you’re just some girl I call every once in a while. You’re not.” The biting edge to his words make my entire body shudder with the emptiness of his words.

“Don’t you see? I amthat girlbecause that’s the way it’s always been,” I tell him, desperate to keep him from pushing me away completely and seeing what this is doing to me by constantly falling back into this.

Tyler snorts out a laugh, his head shaking back and forth as he flops his arm over his face.

“We have absolutely no communication other than you calling when you need me or texting me that your wang misses his muff. What does that tell you about our relationship? Why won’t you tell me what’s going on? Maybe I can understand where you’re coming from. It’s not like we just met, I can tell there is something going on with you, aside from us. Let me in.” My eyes burn, and I keep blinking, hoping he won’t see the tears coming. The thought of him knowing how he truly feels is frightening.

Hearing the nervousness in my tone, he removes his arm, staring at me, his eyes consumed with emotion. There’s a scorching pain and anger just below the depths of his pupils but he gives me nothing verbally.

“I have to go,” I say, twisting to find my clothes on the floor. Tyler reaches for my hand and when I go to move, he stops me.

His hand closes on my upper arm, his gaze intent on mine. “Why does it have to be like this? You knew I couldn’t give you anything more than my friendship and sex. Why does it have to change now?”

“Tyler, I just don’t get it. Why can’t we have more?” My voice shakes with each word. Flinging my arm up, it breaks his hold on me. I want to punch something, maybe him at how selfish he’s being.

His jaw snaps closed and his eyes go wide with surprise question. Then he looks at the wall, the muscles in his jaw clenching. He doesn’t say anything, but it’s the answer I need.

“This is why I need to go.” I reach for my jeans on the floor, but he grabs my arm again.

“Damn it, why do you always do this?” His voice is louder than I’m expecting.

Digging out my cell phone in my bag near my jeans, I move to show Tyler the picture Rawley sent me of him and Berkley, a reminder ofwhyI’m not good enough and should leave before this hurts my heart even more. I’ll admit, I’m a little self-conscious. What girl isn’t? Even if they tell you they’re not, I believe they are in some aspect of their life. Like it or not, because Tyler says he’s not in a position to love me, I’m constantly comparing myself to Berkley. Maybe I’m not the type he wants, Lord knows she and I are completely different.

“This is why….” And then I show him the picture.

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