Page 60 of Unbearable

Fuck, I’m the biggest piece of shit around. I can’t believe I said those things to her. I had no right to treat her the way I did.

I hated this. Being an asshole wasn’t working out for me.

For a while, pretending as though I didn’t care and acting like I’m a cold-hearted prick worked, but I never wanted to hurt Raven.

Watching from my truck as she walks through puddles back to her dorm room, my mind scrambles with apologies I should have said to her, or need to say. Mostly because of fucking Holden and one of the many reasons why I hate him so much is because he can give her a life I can’t. That’s exactly what it comes to. Plain and simple.

I send her a message when I make it home.

Me: I hope you believed me when I said it but I’m sorry I reacted like that.

I hope she’ll reply but I know she won’t. I keep overreacting, which is the norm for me. I react and then have to clean up my messes. It’s not a good trait to have, but I’m stuck with it.

I’m not really sure what to do with myself when I get back to Lebanon, mostly because it’s a Saturday night and I wanted to be spending it with Raven, not here, alone in my apartment.

Just when I’m thinking of breaking out the whiskey, I get a text from Red.

Red: Wanna go to Murphy’s with Lenny and me?

That sounds way better than drinking by myself. Mostly because I do really stupid shit when I drink alone.Like shopping at Bath and Body Works.

Me: Sure. Meet you there.

I’m actually surprised he asked, and that’s part of the reason I get up off the couch and go to the bar. Maybe it’ll get me out of my funk.

SOMETIMES WHEN I walk into Murphy’s, I have flashbacks from the night Raven and I were here. They’re good flashbacks but it makes me wish my situation was different.

I’ll never forget that night and what she did for me by just being Raven.

Walking through the doors, I see Lenny and Red at a table to the left of the bar. Red nods to me holding up a glass of beer and I walk over to them. There’s a pitcher of beer on the table and an extra glass.

“Hey!” Lenny yells over the music, smiling at me. She knows I went to the game today and I mentally count down the seconds before she’s going to ask me how it went. “Did you have fun today?” And then she sees my lip and cheek. “Oh.”

I chuckle, peeling off my jacket to sit across from them, slouching. I’m actually a little sore. Fucker got me in the ribs with his knee somehow. “I met Holden again,” I tell them with a smile, one that cracks my lip a little more. Immediately I taste blood.

Red laughs, shifting his weight to lean into Lenny. “Told you.”

Lenny rolls her eyes, pushing him back a few inches with her hands gently on his chest. She’s still mindful of his injury. I think she always will after what we saw that night.

“Told you what?” I raise an eyebrow.

“I figured Holden would be there and you two would get into it.” Red pushes a glass my way. “I’m right once again.”

Taking the glass, I pour myself a beer. “Yeah, well, he’s a fuckin’ pussy.”

We relax into steady conversation about the shop and cars we’ve been working on for the last couple of weeks. I’ve got a Ford in my stall with a blown head gasket. I’ve been waiting on parts and Red tells me they’re finally in.

Three beers in, we’re laughing and joking as we always do. It’s nice to know what happened with Raven and me didn’t ruin my friendship with Red.

Rawley’s on stage and they’re just starting their set when Berkley walks in and takes a seat at a table with three guys. Rolling my eyes when she smiles at me, I try not to pay any attention to her, but I’m a little curious what’s going to happen with her here, and Rawley on stage.

Berkley no sooner takes a seat when Rawley stops the song he’s singing and breaks into Buckcherry’s “Crazy Bitch” and moves to stand near her table.

Shaking my head, I watch Berkley’s reaction to it. I don’t think she’s paying any attention, her hand raising to tuck her black hair behind her ear.

It’s when the music fades, he drops to his knees in front of her and repeats “crazy bitch” three or four times that she’s finally looking right at him.

She flips him off, glaring and then turns her gaze to me briefly, after tossing her friend’s flannel shirt at him.

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