Page 61 of Unbearable

I smile. I’ve already had something like four beers and I’m sorry, but it’s entertaining that she’s sucking his dick yet he’s calling her crazy. They’re both crazy if you ask me.

Just like I expected him to do, Rawley takes the shirt she threw at him, puts it down his pants and then throws it at her face.

Chuckling, I turn to Red and Lenny, his arm around her as they both sip their beer. “Where’s Nova tonight?”

“Ma has her,” Red says, giving a nod to the stage. “What the fuck is he doing?”

I don’t want to look but I do to see Rawley now shirtless, his half naked body being whistled at by the twenty-some girls, acting as if he’s a god up there. He’s good, I’ll give him that but he’s turned into an ass since he turned eighteen. Probably around the same time his girl fucked him over too. I’m telling you, women, they have a way of destroying everything sometimes.

Rawley used to be a good kid. He was anamazingquarterback, could have gone to any college he wanted but he threw it all away his senior year and it’s been a downhill slide since then. Music has always been his passion. I can’t ever remember a time when he didn’t have a guitar nearby but still, he’s throwing away a lot these days.

“He’s just having fun,” Lenny tells Red, smiling. “He puts on a good show.”

Red raises an eyebrow at her and then flicks his hand at the stage. “You gonna go throw your panties on the stage too?”

She scowls at him, her hand on his thigh raising higher and causing him to squirm in the seat. “No, but I’m going to shove my panties in your mouth if you keep being an ass tonight.”

Red buries his head in Lenny’s neck, whispering to her and I turn away. It makes me miss Raven and that’s the last thing I need to see. Mostly because I’m thinking about Thanksgiving when Raven shoved her panties in my mouth.

I miss her. I’d be stupid if I said I didn’t. Every time I see her, she lifts the weight the world is putting upon me.

Whether I like it or not, the shell I put around myself cracks every time I see her, breaking away piece by piece. I know I’m being a fucking dick to her half the time but I just can’t get over that I can’t give her what she needs. Maybe that’s why I keep torturing myself with her. I can’t give it up either.

I’M DRAGGING ASS Monday morning. It’s all I can do to actually make it downstairs by eight.

Red hands me a repair order for a Dodge Durango in my stall as I’m stirring my cup of coffee. “What’s wrong with you?”

Drawing in a deep breath, I set the repair order on my toolbox. “Rough night.”I hate being hungover. I welcome the numbness, but the hangovers, I can go without. So it surprises me that I’ve been drinking so much lately.

Truth is, after I left the bar with them, I finished off a bottle of whiskey on Sunday. In my head, it was better to be drunk than deal with my own shit.

He shrugs and makes his way toward Lenny, hip checking her and handing her a repair order of her own. She laughs and takes it from him.

The morning starts off slow. I spend most of my time doing an alignment on the Durango and then timing chain on a van.

Nova stops by with Mia at lunch time. I guess she had a field trip this morning and worked her way out of not going back to school for the rest of the day. Red’s definitely going to have his hands full with her. She’s only in kindergarten and already looking for ways to get out of going every day.

“Uncle Ty!” She runs up to me immediately hugging my legs.

I look down and smile as I lift her up and set her on my tool box. “Hey princess. How was your—”

“I’m not here to talk about stupid school.” She points to the van in my stall. “What are you working on?”

“Timing chain.”

She leans to the side to peek around me at the van, her brow scrunched in concentration and then hands me a torque wrench next to her. “Here. This should fix it.”

Her face is beaming and I can see that she believes she’s solved my problem. So proud of herself for helping.

I laugh and when she joins me, it’s the sound of her laughter that sends a punch to my chest, so potent I almost hear the shards of it clatter against my ribs. I stop and look at her and I see so much of both Red and Nevaeh in this little girl.

Thisis what I struggle with. This right here is why I push Raven away. I willneverhave this moment. Standing at work, laughing with my son or daughter while I look at their laughing face and see my eyes and Raven’s smile.

How can I ask her for forever when I can’t even give her something as simple as having our own child visit me at work?

BY LUNCH TIME, I’m eating a burger on a crate and staring at my cell phone. The bay doors are open to the crisp afternoon and it’s actually nice out. The sun’s shining, it’s beautiful but the wind is cool. I want to kick the leaves blowing inside the shop away because it makes me think of Raven and her brown eyes.

Scrolling through Facebook, I check her page to see if she’s posted anything this weekend. I stalk her on social media when I don’t have the balls to send her a message. She hasn’t posted anything since last week and even then, it was just her complaining about needing caffeine before her class. I even scroll through the comments from her friends at school to see if any are guys. None seem to be but you can never tell these days. I eye the one from Taylor Hunt. He seems harmless but I don’t like his comment of:Help me study and I’ll bring you some.

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