“Hekissedme.” I try to keep my voice down. I didn’t want to draw attention to us in here, but I really wanted to scream this next part at him. “I didn’t ask for that, Tyler. I’m not, nor will I ever be with Holden again. If you haven’t noticed, I don’t take back assholes just because they decide they made a mistake.”
He seems to soak this in before responding. He nods, tight and tortured, but he doesn’t say anything. Lightheaded, I take a seat on the edge of my bed but Tyler doesn’t move.
Let me tell you something about Tyler. When pushed, he can andwillrespond like any man. Ask Rawley. I’ve seen it many times. I’ve just never been on the receiving end and I’m waiting for the explosion.
I intend to walk outside and get some air. So much had already been said and I’m afraid if he says anything more, I may hate him.
“You know, if you had stuck around for another thirty seconds instead of overreacting, you would have seen me deck him too.”
He still says nothing.
I face him, our bodies nearly touching now as we stand near the door. We’re so close his breath blows over my face and I know for sure he’s been drinking. “Youdon’t get to tell me who I can kiss.Youcan’t come in here and tell me who I can be with.”
He rolls his eyes like he’s frustrated that I’m not getting it. “I came because I want you to be with me and instead of talking to me, you’re ignoring me.”
With my arms crossed over my chest, my fingers are digging into the skin of my arms as I watch him. “Oh yeah? Well, how’s it feel?”
He frowns and after about five seconds of thought, he slowly shakes his head. “Is that what this is about? Getting even like I purposely hurt you? Is that what this is?”
I can’t believe we’re arguing about this. “Tyler, I don’t know what this is about. I don’t know why you’re even here.”
He raises his hand to touch my cheek, conflict raging in his eyes. “I’m here because I want to be with you. I miss you.”
“No, you’re here because you’re fucking drunk and lonely.”
He shakes his head adamantly. “No, that’s bullshit.” He tosses his hand lazily in the air and I take a step back against the wall behind my door, the one scattered with pictures of my family and him. He’s looking at me now, thick black brows slanting over his eyes in a deep scowl. “Six weeks, Raven.Six fucking weeksI’ve been trying to talk to you. Being drunk only gave me the courage to come here and put an end to it. I’m sure you can relate. You remember don’t you? That night in this very room when you were drunk and told me you loved me?”
In my head, I do the math, because I’m weird like that. I’m trying to figure out if it’s been six weeks since New Year’s and he’s wrong, it’s been almost eight but I’m not going to correct him on his math. “I can’t believe you’re bringing that up now.”
He stares at me as if I’m missing something obvious. I can see the war waging inside of him because he knows he’s not getting anywhere. “Whywouldn’tI? Have your feelings changed that much that you don’t love me anymore?” I can tell by the wavering in his tone those words were some of the hardest he’s ever had to say.
Do I still love him?
So fucking much it’s sickening.
Tears sting my eyes but the last thing I want to do is cry in front of him. “You don’t’ get it, Tyler. It’s not a matter of not loving you. It’s me not wanting to be hurt again.”
Disappointed, his head drops and he shakes it back and forth. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know, but this is me protecting me for once.” The words burn in my throat. “My feelings haven’t changed but neither has our situation. I’m still in college. You’re still you. Twenty-six andnot wantingdrama.”
He grimaces with every word. His jaw hardens.Thathit home.
“Why are you coming in here acting like this is about Holden kissing me and not what it’s really about? You’re here because of your agenda and getting what you want. Well tough shit because my twenty-year-old drama filled life has no room for you anymore.”
Holy hell I’ve got some balls this morning.
“Jesus!” he says through gritted teeth in a shouted whisper, his tone harsh and louder than before. “Why does it always fucking come back to this? I told you I was sorry for what I said and I fucking meant it.”
I’m slow to respond to him. Stunned by the way he’s staring at me. “Keep your voice down,” I warn him. Pressing my finger to my lips, I point to the door. The last thing I need is people hearing this and calling security.
Tyler lowers his voice and stares at the wall. After a moment, he shakes his head. He sighs. “What the fuck are we doing?” His chest expands, his darkened eyes meeting mine. “Do you wish we would have never started? Is that what this is? Do you regret it?”
His eyes burn into mine, waiting for me to answer him.
Looking away, I say, “No. I would never want that. I don’t regret it.”
He’s silent for a moment, his arms crossed over his chest, his head hanging and eyes on the floor.