Page 80 of Unbearable

“Why does it have to be like this?” He moves toward me, coming to stand in front of me.

There’s so much I want to say right then, but the moment passes and part of me feels like maybe it’s too late. I want to reach up and touch the side of his face. I want his eyes to soften into the blue I know and not the ice that freezes the breath in my lungs and the black consuming his pupils. I want the gentle sensation of his body against mine and the heat it gives me.

I don’t have any of that right now. I have this, a situation we both created.

When I don’t say anything, his hands find my face, his hair falling into his lashes. I fight my own urge to brush it away from his face and as I watch him, searching his face. I wish I could get inside his mind and understand him better.

His hands are shaking, a slight tremble to them and I can’t tell if it’s the adrenaline wearing off, whatever he drank before he got here or if he’s that nervous of my denial. His eyes seem different too, darker, their depth unreachable.

He brushes his fingertips over my lips, lips that have just been kissed by another. Breathing deeply, he lets his shaking hands drop. He looks completely worn out, with dark circles under his eyes. His face says it all. He’s tired of this. We both are.

How does something so simple turn to this, a stream of resentful harsh words spat at one another?

“You shouldn’t even be here.”

A sadness enters his eyes and when it does, he says, “Believe me, I wish I could leave but I can’t.” Letting me go, he draws in a deep breath leaning against the wall, it’s as if he’s been dying to take the breath since he came in here and only able to now. “But that’s my problem. I told myself to leave you alone when you told me to, and now here I am, fuckin’ angry at your ex and waiting for you to finally put me out of my misery.”

I don’t even know what to say to that. Am I really causing him misery?

He blows out a shaky breath and then brings the back of his hand to his neck, squeezing. Tyler stands, staring at my ceiling as if he’s hoping it holds all the answers. When it doesn’t, he drops his stare to the floor and shakes his head.

He turns and heads for the door, stepping over my broken laptop when there’s a knock and then a voice.

“Campus police.” Of course someone called campus police between the door being slammed and the noise Tyler made when he knocked over my bookcase and threw my laptop.

Knowing he’s in trouble, Tyler sighs and takes a step back against the wall letting the officer step inside my room when I open the door.

“We received a noise complaint, Ms. Walker.” The officer looks past me and to Tyler, assessing my room with a scan of his eyes. “Do we have a problem here?”

Tyler looks at the ground, and then me out of the corner of his eye. “No problem.”

The officer takes a look around my room surveying the mess. “Did you do this?”

“Yeah.” He’s not hiding anything, but he’s also not making eye contact.

“Why?” The officer leans into the door frame, relaxed with his arms crossed over his chest. He doesn’t seem too concerned, but he’s also not letting Tyler leave and blocking him in the room.

By the way Tyler’s hands are shaking, it’s obvious he wants to leave. He’s had enough and can’t even look at me.

“Just a misunderstanding.”

I let the words sink in as he speaks them. A misunderstanding? Is that what we were? A misunderstanding? The impact of his words take over and soon tears pool in my eyes.

What was a misunderstanding? Me wanting to kiss Holden?

Yup! That was a big misunderstanding!

My feelings for him?

No, I think I’ve made myself pretty clear, but he’s getting me confused with Berkley.

Or is he referring to his feelings for me?

Every insecurity I have felt since the beginning of whatever Tyler and I had comes rushing back into my mind. I can’t believe something so simple as two friends having sex turned into this.

The officer must know there’s no immediate threat and backs up. “Is that what happened here or do we need to escort him off campus?”

My stare snaps to Tyler and we’re trapped in a moment, one where we see how easily this backfired on us. I breathe in slowly, gathering courage. “No, like he said, it’s just a misunderstanding. I’m fine. Just college drama.”

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