Page 86 of Unbearable

When I arrive at the shop, skidding to a stop in the back parking lot, Lenny’s waiting outside for me, leaning against an old Mercury.

Her eyes soften when she eases into the passenger seat. “I know it’s easier said than done, but let’s try and relax until we know what’s happening.”

I don’t look at her as we’re pulling out of the parking lot. I can’t because I’ll cry. The tears are already there and I don’t want to break down. Crying right now would only lead me to thinking the worst and I won’t allow myself to go there, not yet.

“This is all my fault,” I tell Lenny when we’re on the freeway again. “I shouldn’t have let him leave when he was so angry. I could tell something was off but I didn’t do anything about it.”

Lenny reaches over, placing her hand on my shoulder. “Hey, stop thinking like that. There’s no way you could’ve predicted this would happen. Besides we all know how Tyler gets when he’s mad. It would have been nearly impossible for you to stop him from leaving if that’s what he wanted. He’s more stubborn than Red.”

A painful lump fills my throat. Did he wreck because of me? Did he forget to take his medication again because of me? I remember seeing him after he had the seizure in the shop. There was blood soaking his face from a cut on his forehead. It was awful and when I asked him what happened he admitted he was so tired from us not getting any sleep the night before he forgot to take it in the morning.

Annoyance claws at my skin, a sick lurch traveling through my stomach.

As much as I feel responsible for this, a realization hits me. With him my life makes sense. The thought of my life without him, it’s unbearable.

LENNY AND I RUSH inside the hospital two hours later after hitting traffic. It takes us another ten minutes to find Red upstairs in the waiting room for the ICU.

“They haven’t said anything but he’s in surgery,” Red says, embracing Lenny when she wraps her arms around his waist. “Apparently he drove off the freeway somewhere near Brownsville and took out a barn and some fencing. Rolled the truck. A farmer found him unconscious but at least breathing on his own.” He gives a nod to two police officers sitting in the corner.

I process what he’s saying for a moment. “He was drinking.” My voice trembles over the words.

“Yeah, I gathered that much.” Red’s face flashes with anger. “Stupid son of a bitch. Why would he be driving after he was drinking?”

Nervously, I chew on my thumb. “Because he was trying to work up the courage to come see me. He wanted to tell me he loved me. He didn’t seem drunk when he was there. Maybe a little buzzed and truthfully, something definitely seemed off, but I’ve been around Tyler enough to know he wasn’t drunk. Do you think it’s possible he had a seizure? I mean, maybe that’s why he wrecked?”

We move to sit down in the waiting area where Red brings his hand up to run over the back of his neck. “As long as he’s taking his meds, he shouldn’t have, but he hasn’t been acting like himself lately so who knows.”

He’s right. He hasn’t been.

For the next four hours, we wait as time passes agonizingly slow with his parents by our side. I wanted to talk to his mom but I had no idea what to say to her, so I remained quiet.

They wouldn’t offer any updates other than he was in surgery. Every time we asked, we got the same answer.

I can’t think or feel. My mind is numbly unaware of everything going on. Voices seem distant and muddled. Motions seem uncontrolled, my thoughts on Tyler and why I let him leave. I shouldn’t have. I just shouldn’t have.

Sitting there staring at the nurses’ station in the corner, suddenly, I’m worn out. Mostly from being up most of the night, but I hate this feeling rushing through me. The one of being in a hospital, waiting and helpless.

When my dad passed away, they say he died right there on the floor of the shop from a massive heart attack. Red performed CPR on him until the paramedics got there and then they took over, continuing for nearly a half an hour. It was an hour before they finally pronounced him dead, and I was there, waiting with my mom and brothers. Worst night of my life.

When Red was shot, we waited for days for him to come around. I couldn’t help but relate all of those instances together into one.

Waiting on the unknown.

IT’S LATE, THE sky dark outside and every time the door opens to the waiting room, I’m chilled to the bone. It’s hours after we arrived, but it seems like days. In fact, it’s been six hours and thirty-seven minutes since I stepped foot inside this room. On minute thirty-eight, a doctor in navy-colored scrubs and black hair comes around the corner holding his scrub cap in his hands.

He scans the crowd. “Who’s the family of Tyler Hemming?”

Red clears his throat, sitting up straighter in the chair giving the doctor a nod and then to Tyler’s parents. “We’re it.”

The doctor looks at the five of us and then sits down in an empty chair across from his mother. Leaning forward his voice is low, maintaining privacy. “Mrs. Hemming, does Tyler have epilepsy or some other condition that would cause him to have seizures?”

His mom has tears in her eyes and nods. “He has epilepsy.”

“It explains a lot. As you know, Tyler was in a car accident this morning and brought in unconscious. He had some lacerations to his face, neck and ear. He came out of it for a moment but then went straight into another seizure. A CT scan confirmed he had a brain hemorrhage so we went in and opened a small section of his skull to release the pressure and control the bleeding. We did run into a few complications with his blood pressure and bleeding, but he’s stable now. Amazingly enough he didn’t break any bones, just the head injury.”

His father speaks up right away. “I don’t understand. He takes medication to control his epilepsy. What do you think could’ve caused him to have one?”

That’s why he seemed so off. I should have known.

“First of all, it’s not completely unheard of for an individual to have a seizure even when on their medication. It’s rare but unfortunately, it does happen. Second, we had a toxicology report run and it will be in later because when Tyler was brought in the officers noticed the smell of alcohol on him. It’s absolutely possible that a seizure caused him to lose consciousness and run off the road though. It’s going to take some time for his head injury to heal, but he should be just fine.” He nods to the police officers still sitting in the waiting room. “When his toxicology comes back, we have to report it.” Before he leaves, the doctor looks at Nora, Tyler’s mom. “He’s going to be out of it for a day or two but in the morning, you should be able to see him.”

Shaking his head when the doctor leaves, Red stares at the ground, his hands clasped together as he leans forward. “I can’t believe he was that stupid.”

I don’t have the strength to tell Red it’s me who was stupid. I let Tyler leave for my own selfish reasons, because I didn’t want him to stay, and I should have made him stay. I just hope he wakes up and I can fix this and tell him how much I need him.

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