Page 35 of Bad Husband

I’d kill the motherfucker she’s sleeping with, if that were the case.

“She’s still fucking me,” I mumble, taking a drink of the beer in my hand. I left the house when Madison told me to sleep on the couch. I would eventually end up there, but I couldn’t stay there and not demand she tell me the exact moment she began thinking of a divorce. So I went to the bar.

Leaning back, I dig my cell phone out of my pocket to send her a text message. If she wasn’t going to talk tonight, I’d text her and demand answers.

Me: Are you in love with someone else?

Brantley raises an eyebrow, lifting his beer to his lips. “Like since she asked for a divorce?”

“Yep.” I set the beer back down on the table. “Right before I called you.”

He laughs, as though it’s entertaining to him. “Dude, she’s using you.”

I never thought of it that way. Was she? She wants a divorce but not from my dick?

I text her again.

Me: Are you using me for my dick?

Still no answer.

Most men would be all over that. Not me. I love my wife and my boys.

Me: I love you.

That’s romantic, right?

She still doesn’t reply. Maybe she’s sleeping already? It is like what, midnight?

Yeah, midnight. Fuck. I should be at home. Sleeping.

Me: Are you sleeping?

“Get her pregnant,” Brantley suggests, his eyes glued to the sports highlights on the television above our heads. “I had a girlfriend who once poked a hole in the condom. I caught her and she became anex-girlfriendbut maybe try that?”

I roll my eyes. “That’s dumb.”

But then I think, what if that’s what she wants?

Me: Do you want another baby? I can totally knock you up.

“It’s an idea. Not a good one, but an idea,” Brantley mumbles, glancing over his shoulder to watch a blonde walk by.

“This is serious, B. Ilikebeing married.”

It’s his turn to roll his eyes. “And that I willneverunderstand but, dude, come on.” He nudges my elbow with his. “You’re looking at her asking for a divorce as a bad thing.”

I raise an eyebrow. “It’s not?”

“No. It’s a good thing. It’ll be like college again. Different chick every night.”

“I didn’t like college for that reason.”

Me: I don’t want to be with anyone else. I love your pussy.

Was that too much?

I’m a man of repetition. I eat the same thing for breakfast every morning. Eggs, scrambled, and a slice of wheat toast. I have the same cup of coffee on the way to work. Americano. No cream. When I run, I run the same five-mile loop every time.

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