Page 47 of Bad Husband

That’s her slogan. Catchy, isn’t it? What? Not impressed? Me either.

This woman literally makes a living out of my worst nightmare. She and I will never be friends.

The kids are having a great time though. Callan and the other kids are completely taken with Dee and her tales of snakes and mice.

Watching Madison as she laughs with the kids surrounding the snakes, it’s obvious Madison is a hands-on parent who prefers to be a part of everything the kids are doing. It’s not just Callen who has a big smile today. Madison seems truly happy for the first time in I don’t know, months, years?

My heart swells when I see Callan wrap his arms around her neck, kissing her cheek. I’ve always known Madison does everything in her power to make sure our boys are safe and happy, but to see the look of satisfaction on her face when they’re enjoying themselves too, nothing compares to that. She’s not only the love of my life, but she's also the best mom I could ask for my boys.

Speaking of which, where the hell is Noah? I haven’t seen him since I put pants on him earlier and he promptly took them off the moment I left the room.

Turning to look around, I don’t see him anywhere and decide to check outside in the backyard. Brantley’s out there with Nathalie’s son, trying to teach him how to throw a baseball, something he probably shouldn’t be doing. The last thing Grady needs to know how to do is have an accurate aim with a weapon.

“Hey, man, you seen Noah?”

He stops throwing the ball and looks around the yard. “Noah? Nah, man, I haven’t seen him.” He cringes, his body shuddering. “Isn’t he in the house with the snakes?”

As much as I don’t like rodents, they don’t necessarily scare me. I just hate them. Plain and simple. Brantley, on the other hand, he doesn’t just hate snakes. He’s completely and utterly scared shitless by them. I’m not really sure why. Some childhood trauma he won’t share, but whatever it was has scared that man far worse than any baggage I carry from my ordeal.

I think it’s kind of bullshit that he won’t tell me what happened since I poured my heart out to him and shared my satanic guinea pig story, but whatever.

“No, I looked there first and didn’t see him. Maybe he’s upstairs.”

Just as I’m about to turn around and head back into the house, I hear a woman scream from inside the house.

Running inside, I see Madison holding Noah with one arm and is trying very hard to calm down Dee by patting her back.

“What’s going on? Why is she screaming?”

“Noah took the tops off the albino mice and red rat snake cages,” Nathalie tells me with wide eyes.

I relax a little that there’s no blood and everyone seems to be okay. “All right, so why is she screaming?”

“They got out,” Dee shouts. “All of them!”

I panic, my eyes drifting to the cage with the rats. “When you say all of them, how many are we talking?”

“Four albino mice and two red rat snakes.”

“This is awesome!” Callan says, smiling, but I don’t miss the way he’s sitting on the kitchen counter and not standing on the floor. He’s probably scared too. He high-fives Noah, who Madison sets next to him on the counter. “Good job, dude.”

Noah points to his own chest and shakes his head. “No dude. Wolverine.”

I’m more focused on the loose rodents. It’s like some damn rat god decided to fuck with me today. Not just mice, butalbino micewith devil eyes, and on top of that, not just any snake but a redratsnake!

Suddenly Dee turns and lunges for me, fisting my shirt between her hands and bringing our faces within kissing distance. “You have to find my babies. Hewey, Dewey, Lewey, and Norman are my life! If Sampson and Saul get to them first, there won’t be anything left to love!”

This lady is batshit fucking crazy if you ask me and needs a toothbrush. “Okay, okay. First, stop touching me.” Only she doesn’t. “And second, isn’t catching mice kind of what you do?”

“Yes, yes, of course, but I’m compromised.” Yes, she said that. Compromised? What a nut job. “My emotions are taking hold of me, and I can’t think. Please, you’vegotto help me. We need to spread out and search every inch of this house. Also, we need someone to keep an eye out for Sampson and Saul.”

Madison walks over and gently removes Dee’s hands from my shirt. “Okay, Dee. You need to calm down. I’m sure we’ll find everyone in no time, but you have to remember not to panic. Panicking will not help the situation.”

Another surge of pride races through my chest. See what I mean? Not a better woman.

Madison leads Dee through some deep breathing exercises and then looks at Brantley and me. “Why are you guys just standing around? Go find those damn mice.”

I can’t help the look of complete shock that crosses my face as I stare at my wife. Madison knows about Zeke, and yet she’s telling me to go find them? Remember what I just said about her being the best. I take it back. She’s a backstabbing traitor!

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