Page 98 of Bad Husband

“Should you be reading that to her?” I ask Callan when I sit down with a cup of coffee at the table.

He shrugs and continues to read. “This is information she needs to know.”

Noah gags on what I think is dog hair in his mouth and then goes back to eating his cereal. I nudge his butt with my foot and he sits up to look at me. “Don’t drink from the toilet anymore.” We have to tell him this like twice a week. His doctor says it’s not horrible, but he shouldn’t be doing it. If you ask me, it’s worse than gamma radiation.

“Why?” he asks, staring at me with a look of complete confusion.

I can’t believe I’m having to explain why toilet water is disgusting. “Because it’s gross.”

Rowdy licks the side of Noah’s face. “No, it not. Rowdy do it.”

“He’s a dog though. He licks his own ass and doesn’t know the difference.”

Maybe I shouldn’t have said the last part?

Undeterred by anything I’m saying, Noah points to his chest. “I Wolverine.”

And we’re back to that. He’s four now but still hasn’t outgrown the Wolverine stage. He might be going to college someday and asking girls out by growling and telling them he’s Wolverine. And you know what, they’ll probably buy it and be all over him.

Madison comes downstairs, her hands on my shoulders. “Do you want to take a shower before work?”

I nod, standing up to drag my body against hers. She sighs, her lashes lowering as her lips part carefully. It’s a shame we didn’t get to finish because all I can think about is those lips wrapping around my dick. “You could join me.”

She kisses me, once, and then pulls back. “I can’t. I have to get these kids fed and the boys to school.”

Noah started pre-school and if we thought Callan’s tactics to display his annoyance for school were creative, Noah’s pretty simple. He bites everyone. We’re thinking of home schooling him until we can, you know, get him to stop. But let’s look on the bright side here, at least he never draws blood.

Did you notice Madison didn’t mention needing to get to work herself?

We both agreed, mostly me, she didn’t need to be massaging and waxing nut sacs anymore. And the new house was an hour drive from the salon, so that solved that problem. And you know, three kids are a handful, especially when one’s a baby. Don’t believe me, you can watch all three of mine for a night and I’ll take my wife out.

And I know what you’re thinking, I had her quit her job because I didn’t want her cradling dicks all day. Well there’s that, but no, I didn’t have her quit her job. She did that one on her own.

Judging by the look on your face, you’re also thinking, what did her quitting solve? She was upset you were never around.

Well guess what? I work less these days.

You don’t believe me, do you?

Well, I do. We took on a few more employees and it helped me not have to be there as often and spend more time with Madison and the kids.

Am I happy?

Yes. I can honestly say I am. I miss having my hands on everything with the business, but I take pride in the fact that I still own the company and my hard work over the years built it.

Wanna know what else I built?

This family. It was literally made with my smooth balls.

Take a look at all of them. Callan reading to his baby sister as she chews on the pages he’s turning. Noah and his pet dog. Yes, we got Rowdy for him. Or it was more along the lines of it showed up on our doorstep like Beethoven. We later found out it was Brantley’s doing, but how are you going to tell your kids you’re not keeping the dog?

And after he peed on Noah once and he didn’t kill it, I figured we could keep the adorable drywall eating black lab.

And then there’s Madison, my beautiful wife and mother of my children. She’s never looked more beautiful as she does now with pieces of Captain Crunch in her hair.

I forgave her pretty easily after what she did. She gave me a blow job.

I’m kidding. She really did give me a blow job that day but that wasn’t why I forgave her. Only a fraction of why. I forgave her because of all this around me right now. The house, the kids, her, I wouldn’t have this today if I hadn’t forgiven her, and it’s far better than the alternative.

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