Page 49 of Unbound

Wrapping my arms around Aunt Gale, I hug her. She smells like red wine and bread sticks. Looking around at the display of food on the counter, I realize Tony must have brought over food.

There’s containers of spaghetti, lasagna, and what looks to be salads on the table.

“Smells good,” I note, kissing the side of Mom’s temple as I pass by to the fridge for what I hope will have beer in it. My heart pounds in my chest when I hear Sophie in the family room, her laughter ringing through the air as she plays with Lyric on the floor with Chevy.

I turn slightly to watch after retrieving a beer when Aunt Gale sighs beside me, giving me a one-armed hug “He looks just like you, Rawley.”

I nod, knowing she’s right, but I wonder if she knows I just met him the other day. She probably does. It’s not like Mom keeps any secrets from her sisters.

Mom picks up her glass of red wine, giving me a smile and a wink.

I take a deep breath. And another. I want out of the house but I know if I leave, I’m hurting more than myself.

Red, Tyler, Raven, and Lenny are all in the family room with Sophie, and part of me wants to go in there. I can see myself sitting down on the couch and joining their conversations, but it goes back to the hole I dug myself by leaving. I’m not a part of any of this anymore and it hurts. I’m not sure I was ever part of it if you want to know the truth. I’m invisible to almost everyone in this room after the shit I’ve pulled over the years. The memories of the party I destroyed flood my mind and they seem cruel now, like a punishment.

Red laughs at something, drawing my attention to him, drink in hand. I swallow against the lump in my throat as my eyes dart to his face. Red and I have never got along. I was that annoying little brother who wanted to be just like him, yet he never wanted anything to do with me. Raven gets along with him because he’s the big brother. Why wouldn’t the only girl in the family look up to him?

Raven’s never looked up to me. She’s always bossed me around and told me to stop fucking up. It doesn’t change the fact that at any time I could have called Raven in the last year and a half and she would have dropped everything to be there for me.

But I didn’t.

And that’s why I’m standing in the kitchen drinking alone, and they’re laughing together.

It’s sometime after dinner when I’m outside smoking and Sophie walks out, a hoodie on and hood pulled up over her head. The rain’s let up and we’re under cover, but the cool fall air has a bite to it.

Fog lingers in the backyard like the smoke filtering through my lungs. I shouldn’t be smoking, but dinner was about as awkward as it could get with them talking about the wedding and plans I know nothing about. At some point I wondered why I was even here.

“Hey,” Sophie says, leaning into the rail I’m standing against, her shoulder bumping mine. “Are you okay?” Her gaze follows the fog with her lingering question, her hair falling into her lashes.

“Why are you asking?” I ask while clearing of my throat. I know it’s not the nicest thing to say but I’m curious why she is. She shouldn’t care how I am after the way I’ve been treating her. When I was in Seattle, I missed this, even when we weren’t talking. It’s why I always went to her in the mornings after shows. I craved familiarity, and the kind I only had with her. I remember shaking fingers in the moonlight and the tremble to her voice when she finally said yes as she laid bare to the night on the seat of my truck.

I’m confused as to what to say. My teeth find the inside of my cheek, determined not to say more.

“Because despite what you think, I still care about you.”

I nod, suddenly feeling sick. It’s all I can do when the swell of emotion surfaces in my chest. No matter what I do to this girl, she still fucking cares, and she shouldn’t. She should walk away from me now and tell me to fuck off. She should take our son away and never let him get to know a man like me.

She reminds me of my mother, always giving me the one more chance I don’t need.

I look her straight in the eye. “I’m fine,” I finally tell her, putting out the cigarette and reaching for my beer on the rail. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

“I know you are, I just… I know this is all new to you, but I need to know for him. What’s going to happen after the wedding and you go back to wherever it is you have a life now?”

“I don’t know what’s going to happen,” I tell her, my words softer than I imagine they would have been. “I can barely process any of this let alone what happens. I know I don’t want to leave and not know him. I want to be a part of his life.”

Hopeful eyes find mine in the night. “You do?”

I’ve been here just a few days and already I feel like I’ve missed out on so much. Of course I want to be a part of his life. I couldn’t imagine not.

“Yes, I do.” I turn to her and set my beer down. “Do you want to go to dinner with me sometime?”

The look that crosses her face is one of complete confusion. We haven’t been on a date in three years. The last time I took her out was the night before she left for Mexico.

I think she’s going to say no. Her face is telling me no but she surprises me when she whispers, “Would Tuesday work?”

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