Page 131 of Burn

Twisting to face Izzy, I gasp. “I have to go see if he’s okay.”

“Go.” She nods, eyes wide with concern. “Call me when you know something.”

WANTING TO gather myself before I go to the station, I rush up the stairs to Scarlet’s apartment only to see Caleb sitting outside the door. The rush of relief I feel knocks me sideways, my hands grip the railing for support. Just as quickly, the relief fades and it’s replaced with concern for Caleb. What if it was Owen, or his brother, or any of the guys from his station he considers family.

Caleb’s in the hall, head in his hands with a vulnerable slouch to his broad shoulders. Hearing me coming up the stairs, his head snaps up, and I’m met with a pair of bloodshot eyes. And then his gaze falls to the floor. “Where have you been?”

Lowering his head between his knees, he starts pulling his hair with both hands like he’d rather rip it out than hear what I’m saying, or worse, what’s going on inside his head.

“I was actually looking for you. I heard about the fire.”

Patting the pocket of his jacket, he pulls out a cigarette and then lights it. I had no idea he smoked. Or maybe he didn’t until now?

“You found me,” he says, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth with his thumb and index finger. Slowly he lifts the bottle in his hand to his lips. It’s then I notice the whiskey, half empty and judging by his appearance, it was probably full earlier. “Or I found you?”

His words are a question, but I’m not sure he means them to be.

Caleb tilts his head to the side as he looks at me, finally displaying shame and despair he’s trying desperately to hide, then nods once. Unshed tears brim in his haunted eyes, his broken soul reflecting back at me.

“Evan’s dead.” His voice is gruff, every word bleeding with misery. The tears glossing his eyes spill over, and I watch them fall down his beautiful face.

Tears burn the back of my throat as I move to kneel in front of him, my hand on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Caleb.” My heart shatters for him, for his family and the sob I wanted to hold back explodes past my lips.

His eyes fall away to the floor, my words only adding to the torture etched on his face. Smoke filters through his nose, his jaw flexes, chest heaving as he desperately attempts to hold his pain in.

The moment he says, “Evan’s dead,” my thoughts immediately go to Jacey and how in this moment, regardless of her life with him being hidden in the shadows, her heart is in a million pieces.

The pain radiating from Caleb blankets my heart in black. I want to comfort him, but I have no idea how.

So I’m a real dumb ass and say, “It’s a no smoking building.”

Oh God, shut up!

Caleb takes another drag of his cigarette and eyes me suspiciously while he exhales through his nostrils. Then takes another. And though he’s sorta smiling at me, he looks scary as hell. A cold darkness fills his eyes, a shield of armor raising.

“Caleb, what’s . . .” I draw in a careful breath. I have to be cautious about what I say to him. “Um.” I pause again, licking my lips as I hold my keys in the palm of my hand. “Are you okay?”

Stupid question. I’m peering into the face of someone alone, vulnerable, and aching for me to take that away.

“Nope,” he says, shaking his head and then puts on the cigarette against the floor and tosses it aside. Beside him, there’s a box, and he hands it to me. “I got you a cupcake.”

I smile and take the box, thrilled he brought me a cupcake. “Can I do anything for you?”

Caleb looks past me down the hall. Just when I think he’s going to ignore me, he flicks his eyes to mine and says, “You can do something.” The words are drawn out slowly as he moves to stand, his body supported by the wall because I’m sure in his condition, he can’t stand on his own. “I’m going to have sex with you until I forget or pass out, whichever comes first.”

He wants my comfort in his fucked-up way, but it’s not what I expected.

I stare down at him, my heart breaking for him and his pain. “You don’t want to talk?”

Staring straight ahead, he exhales a puff of smoke through his nose. His jaw muscles flex and his eye narrow. “You don’t drink as much as I have tonight if you want to talk.”

He has a point. And then he slides down the wall, like he can’t stand up any longer. A laugh escapes, but it’s not from amusement. “Fuck.”

“So um.” I put the keys in the lock, unlocking the door. “You think I can make you forget?”

Caleb flashes me a look that says he’s done with my questioning and then exhales slowly. His eyes narrow again, evaluating me. He clenches his jaw and nods, staring straight ahead. “I don’t know . . .” His voice trails off, and I can see his mind is going somewhere else.

I push the door open, and he crawls on his hands and knees inside and over to the couch.

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