Page 153 of Burn

I can save her. I have to save her.

Entering the hotel through the lobby, I see her father, holding an oxygen mask to his face.

“Where’s Mila?” I ask him, my hands on his shoulders, practically falling at his feet, dipping my head to catch his glossy eyes.

“I don’t know. Heather said she last saw her in her office and Nixon ran up there to find her when the alarms went off. I tried to get to her but it’s too hot. I can’t get to her!” he cries, sobbing now, supported by the arms of three people. “Caleb, I know we’ve had our differences but please, save my daughter! Please!”

And then my thoughts go to one person. Nixon.

“And oh, how easily that can be taken from you.”

My stomach drops, my heart stills, and I can almost feel the blood draining from my face.

Thinking back to that night in the bar, and then the hotel, I didn’t think Nixon had it in him. Itnevercrossed my mind until now.

And all this time, the warning had been there. He warned me. What’s worse, I pushed him toward it. I baited him with the one thing he had the power to destroy me with. Mila. That’s the worst feeling of all.

I squeeze my eyes shut, afraid to imagine the possibilities. “Fuck,” I whisper, dropping my head. “Fuck.”

Owen gives me that look, the one that says, I got your back no matter what. “Go find her.”

I take off toward the south stairs on the other side of the lobby, the ones closest to her office.

“Baby, I’m on my way to you,” I whisper under my mask.

There’s no way we’re over. There’s no way it’s ending like this before it ever began. Someone in life is going to get their happy fucking ending, and it starts with this girl.

Throwing the door open, smoke fills the stairwells. Hundreds of guests file down them, firefighters assisting. I climb the stairs, forty pounds of gear weighing me down as I take them two steps at a time.

The thick smoke lets me know I don’t have long. If I was going to get to her, I need to move faster. I start taking the steps three at a time and finally reach the fifth floor.

When I exit the stairwell, all I hear now is my own heavy breathing, that hollow sound the SCBA makes with every breath I force in and out. Then it’s the beep of my PPA tracking me as I search through smoke thick enough to blind.

As a matter of fact, I can’t see anything because the fucking hotel is like a goddamn maze of wandering hallways and rooms, a lot like that apartment complex we lost Evan in.

Much like that morning, all that surrounds me is the roar of the nearby flames and blackness. Nothing’s more frightening than that sound, knowing what you’re walking into can kill you and you can’t even see it.

Sweat pours down my neck and back under my turnout gear.

Where I’m standing, the temperature is a mere 150 degrees. Maybe a little higher. Near the ceiling, it could be thousands.

Through the smoke, I recognize the hallway to my right. It’s where her office is. Crawling, I make my way down the long wall. Owen and Finn crawl beside me, having followed me into the unknown like any brother firefighter would have done.

When I get to her door, it’s locked, but I can feel the heat coming from it and the glow under the door. Taking my halligan, I jam it in the frame and pry the door open.

The office is fully engulfed. That’s when I lose my head in the smoke and react as recklessly as I feel, consumed in my own flames as run inside, only to be held back by Owen.

My girl is in there, and I let that thought take over.

If Evan would have been here, he’d have said, “Someone else’s emergency. Don’t make it yours. Slow down.” It’s not someone else’s emergency this time. It’s mine. It’s this girl. My own chance at something in my life going right.

I think there are times when you don’t know your own strength. Times when you surprise yourself. Right now I’m doing exactly that. Even though I’ve lost my head, I’m focused.

Owen points to the camera in his hand. He’s got the TIC (thermal image camera) with him, searching through the blackness. We see nothing. The camera renders infrared radiation as visible light and allows us to see through smoke and displays for us where someone might be. Moving around the room, we search for her.

On my hands and knees, I search for Mila all the while wondering what happens in life to good people because I’m sure I’m not one of them, if I ever was. Maybe never.

Maybe this will be my death.

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