Page 41 of Love Complicated

Grady drops his eyes to the floor. “He doesn’t have to.”

“Yes, he does.” I turn to Cash. “I get it. I know you’re angry that your parents aren’t together now. I totally understand the frustration and confusion you’re both experiencing, but we can’t go around displaying that anger at school.”

Cash doesn’t want to listen to me. Actually, he’s not. In his mind, no one can possibly understand what he’s going through. I thought that too. Grady, he just wants everyone to be happy.

I nod to Grady. “Grady, you can go out to recess.” He hesitates, looking to Cash, then me. I wave my hand. “Go. I need to talk to Cash, alone.”

Cash watches Grady leave the classroom and then snaps his raging blue eyes back to mine. The muscles in my arms ache, yearn to comfort him.

“I want to go outside,” he repeats.

“Why’d you do that to your brother’s tree?”

“Because he drew it wrong. She’s not our family. She’s my dad’s girlfriend. It doesn’t mean she’s part of our family!” he shouts, and then takes off running outside.

I don’t stop him.

After my parents divorced, I was forced to see a therapist. I went to two sessions and then never again. I didn’t want people telling me it was okay to be angry or that it wasn’t my fault that my parents divorced.

I knew it was okay to be angry.

And I certainly didn’t need anyone telling me that just because they wanted to make a difference in my life. What I needed was someone to understand that I was fucking pissed. I was angry they couldn’t get their shit together, and they brought me into it. I was angry they brought me into the fucking world in the first place.

I think that’s why I let Cash run outside. I can’t force him to understand any of this, but I can help understand it’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to lash out. I know that’s not what I should be saying as a teacher, but the only thing that made me feel any relief as a kid was being able to lash out as a kid.

You know who always took the brunt of it?

Aly. She listened and understood and never tried to control my outbursts that were unfortunately displayed in ways that essentially hurt her. God, I was a fucking dick back then.

Look at the bright side here, if there is one. I get to call Aly again. As far as I’m concerned, Cash can be as bad as he wants because I get to see his mother that way.

---