Page 56 of Love Complicated

There’s something off about her tonight though. Sadness seeps through her worried eyes when they land on mine.

I wink, wanting to offer her something, but her smile fades even more.

What the hell? What changed from us outside her van earlier today?

I approach, and she shakes her head as if she doesn’t want me to. I respect that and nod, walking way.

Nothing’s changed in this town in the last ten years, yet it has.Everythinghas.

It makes me sick to my stomach because I never wanted this life, this town. I didn’t want it. But here it is, a vision of what life would be like had I stayed, but I didn’t. I left and more importantly, left her. She has no obligation to let me in, and I certainly don’t deserve her, do I?

Do you notice the way my breathing goes harsh and the way my heart pounds in my ears?

What’s changed? She’s still his. Those boys. . . his.

I never thought I deserved it, or her, and maybe I was right. Or maybe it was her that didn’t deserve the life I forced her into choosing by leaving?

When the stands have cleared out and the track’s empty, I wander up to the stands, taking a seat not far from the flag stand. If there’s ever a place I feel closer to my dad, it’s here.

“Why did you leave this place to me?” I whisper into the night, knowing I won’t get a response, but hopeful it might shed some light on what the hell I’m doing here.

I’m not ready for this shit. It’s been a long couple days, and I swear I haven’t slept since I pulled into town. I’m physically and mentally exhausted.

With a beer in hand, I’m sitting in the bleachers looking over the track and the cushion built up over the night when Glen sits down behind me a few rows up.

Do you notice the tense shoulders? Mine, not his. I’m afraid of what he’s going to say to me. I usually am around Glen because he’s a man of few words, and the ones he does offer hold meaning.

“It was a good night” are the first words out of his mouth. “Wasn’t sure if Carson was going to pull that one off or not.”

I nod but say nothing. He shakes his head at my silence. It frustrates him about as much as it frustrates me that he let her marry Austin. Yep. I keep going back to that. Probably because I’m pissed at myself for letting it happen.

After a while, I do say something. “What the hell made him think I had any business running this shit?” I lift my beer, pointing to the track.

Glen reaches forward, into the six-pack he brought up here with him. “Because he knew you could handle it.”

I don’t believe him. I want to, but something tells me not to. “Do you?” I turn and raise an eyebrow at him. “Don’t bullshit me either. Tell me the fucking truth.”

He sighs. “Honestly. . . yes. I do. But you have to want to do it.”

I consider it; he told the truth at least.

Raising an eyebrow, he looks over at me. “Do you?”

My frustration gets to me. “I don’t know. I feel. . . I don’t know what I feel. I don’t think I belong here. I think I’m complicating it more by not being able to stay away from Aly.”

He nods and finishes off his first beer, opening another. “Let me tell you something, Trouble.” He pauses, taking a drink. “Aly is a strong woman. Those boys mean the world to her and the last thing she’s going to do now is put them at risk of getting hurt. If you remember that, remember that she’s the girl you fell in love with, remember those boys don’t need bullshit, then it’ll all work out.”

“So you’re telling me to leave her alone?”

Glen chuckles and then crushes the tin can against the bleachers. I think that’s supposed to be my head if I hurt them. “Are you doing this just to get in my daughter’s pants?”

Yes. No. I don’t know. But then again, I do know. It’s never been about getting in her pants. Sure, it kind of has been, but it’s not anymore. At least I don’t think it is.

Fuck, are you as confused as I am?

Glen stands, stares down at me. “Do you have regrets?”

Heavy question.

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