Page 57 of Love Complicated

I’m not sure how to answer it.

“I have mistakes.”

Glen considers this, thinks about that for a half a second and then stares at me. “Why do you hold on to the past with Aly?”

Hmm. Heavier.

His choice of words makes me grimace because ofher.

Why do I hold onto her? I haven’t had a relationship. Ever. Haven’t wanted to. And I think it always comes back to her being the reason.

“I have no idea,” I say to him. “I guess I do because I want to.” I look out to the track. “I guess I’m holding out for my second chance with her. Hell, I still want to finish my first chance.”

He stands from his place and nods to the track. He’s not going to say anything. He doesn’t need to. I follow his stare, a thick blanket of fog moving into the infield. When you look at this place, it’s like time has left it alone. It’s what makes this place feel like home.

When I’m back in my trailer, I stand at the sink with the water running. When it’s cold enough, I splash the water over my face and then stare at my reflection in the window wondering what the fuck my problem is.

When I was in college, I read this quote by Plato in my philosophy class. “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”

Everyone’s afraid of the dark at some point in their life, but seeing yourself in the light is the real test.

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