Page 63 of Love Complicated

It’s the truth. I know he doesn’t eat much these days. Grady had me pack Twinkies for him this week saying something about him never eating.

I hand him the tray.

Our fingers brush, my heart skips, my stomach tightens.

He grins, knowing the response and the action touches his eyes. “Thanks.”

I wait for the boys to be busy eating their hot dogs and smearing ketchup on each other—essentially occupied—to lean on Ridge’s shoulder, but careful not to touch him. “Did you talk to Austin?”

Ridge’s jaw tightens as he’s chewing. He waits until he’s done chewing, before he says, “No, not really.”

“Oh, he just made it seem like he had a conversation with you.”

Shrugging, he tosses the now empty container in a nearby garbage can. “I wouldn’t callthata conversation.”

“What was it?”

Another shrug. “Nothing.”

He’s closer now, our chests brushing and the kiss we shared heats my cheeks. The situation I’m in stings my eyes.

“Was it so easy for you to let me go?” I whisper, swallowing thickly, and lashes meet and tangle as my lids briefly close. I can’t believe I asked him that.

He turns his focus to Austin in the distance, waiting by his Jeep. “Is this what you want?” he wonders, instead of answering my question.

My lips part, a shaky exhale lost to the wind. “You mean me and you?”

I’m waiting for his reply, but he’s taking too long, and I notice Austin’s patience has run out and he’s approaching.

He studies my face, licks his lips as he searches for whatever it is he wants to say. And then he finds it. “I’m asking you whatyouwant, Aly. Because I’m pretty sure you haven’t been asked whatyouwant in years.”

I don’t get a chance to answer him. Austin’s standing near the boys, motioning for them to get up. “You guys ready?”

Grady uses his arm to wipe ketchup from his face, standing near Austin. “I am.”

Cash doesn’t have the same reaction. He crosses his arms and moves closer to Ridge. “I’m not going.”

After the other day, I don’t want to let them go with him, but I also don’t have a lot of choice in the matter. A parenting plan issued by the court says I have to allow him visitation. Sure, I think he’s unstable, but a judge might see it a different way.

I do know there’s only so many times he can let the boys down before they won’t take the disappointment anymore.

Ridge’s stare meets mine. Look at him. He wants to say so much to Austin he’s literally clenching his jaw to keep from saying anything.

Austin drops to his knees near Cash, but doesn’t touch him. “I’m sorry, bud. I didn’t mean to react that way the other day.”

Ridge walks away without a word, his retreat stiff and forced.

Austin’s honesty with them results in a pause, my denial to let them go with him dissolving on my tongue. Cash doesn’t budge, his brow furrowed, body tense.

My heart cracks inside as I watch the man who created these precious boys with me, filling their entire heart with a promise I hope he keeps.

Cash stares at him for the longest moment, silence suspended in the night. He glances at me. “Do I have to?”

I blink and force breath into my lungs. My throat constricts, and my eyes begin to fill. “You should go with your dad tonight. You haven’t seen him in a while.”

Cash swallows, his eyes flit to Ridge in the distance, then back to Austin. He doesn’t say anything to his father, but he nods.

I hate the part that comes next, but I know it has to happen. Austin leaves with my children, and for a night, I don’t get to tuck them in. I don’t get the last I love you of the night, the warmth of their bodies as they hug me goodnight and tell me to dream good thoughts or the ability to check on them.

He gets it, and he doesn’t understand the significance of it.

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