Page 107 of Happy Hour

“That’s the problem, Jameson.” My eyes fell closed. “I shouldn’thaveto tell you.”

I couldn’t stop the sob that broke through. He tried to reach for me again but I shook him off and made my way out of the hauler, stepping over the piston lying at my feet.

It hurt every muscle in my body to walk away.

It was unnatural for me, something my muscle memory for him was against, forced even. When I reached the door, I could feel the burn of his anguished eyes on me.

Once the door closed behind me; a string of loud profanities followed by another loud crash of tools hitting the walls of the hauler.

It wasn’t just a few tools—he was destroying everything that was left of it. All you heard was deafening cracks of metal hitting metal while he ripped everything apart. That ticking time bomb had detonated.

Do you ever wonder when the exact moment was that your life turned to shit? I did.

I was certain I was in that moment right then.

Aside from the time I lost my virginity in the back of a truck at a dirt track, this was what I referred to as “rock bottom”.

Crying uncontrollably like the broken-hearted pit lizard I was, I stumbled across the paddock towards the driver’s compound to towards Jameson’s motor coach.

I walked past Kyle on the way there so now he was tagging along behind me trying to convince me to let him give me a ride to the airport.

Fighting the nausea and panic, they seemed to be balancing each other out and keeping the other from overtaking me completely.

When I realized I had no way of getting to the airport by myself, I agreed to let Kyle take me. After all, I could hardly navigate walking right then, driving just didn’t seem like a good idea.

“Are you okay, Sway?” Kyle’s eyes looked over me, searching for any sign of damage. “Did he hurt you?”

“No. I’m fine.” I tried to speak calmly but I swayed in place. I couldn’t tell him that physically I was fine, emotionally, not so much. “I just need to leave.”

I stepped outside the motor coach after getting my bags to see Darrin walk past and linger near the Expedition, waiting.

Kyle was already inside the truck so I had to pass by Darrin, alone, to get to the vehicle.

This day just keeps getting better, doesn’t it?

Right before I was about to open the door, I heard his dark vexing laughter. “You didn’t think he’d want friends with benefits forever with Chelsea around, did you?”

Without thinking, my dirt-track-raised-instincts shinned like I was the center of the solar system. I didn’t hesitate for one second. I stomped over to him, dropped my bags at his feet, grabbed him by the shoulders and brought my knee hard between his legs, and I think I felt his balls crunch.

“You didn’t think you’d be able to use that dick forever, did you?” I countered, laughing the same dark vexing laughter and trotted my brokenhearted pit lizard ass back to the car while he moaned on the ground.

When I got inside the car, Kyle was laughing so hard he could barely speak. Eventually he stringed together: “That was awesome,” And then followed up with a concerned gaze and, “Remind me never to piss you off.”

Pulling through the gates, I saw Jameson getting into a black SUV with Chelsea. Not that I really gave it much effort, but I couldn’t help the sobs that broke through when he glanced back at me. I knew he couldn’t see me with the blacked out windows but I saw him and that alone was enough.

I felt bad for Kyle, having to drive me to the airport while I cried like a baby but he was a trooper and let me be. Every time he tried to help or comfort me, I just sobbed harder so he finally gave up and just let me cry it out.

I had no idea this would feel so horrible when I decided that night in Charlotte to do whatever this was I did. The pain, the regret, and the sadness that I felt, was overwhelming.

The most overwhelming part about it was given the chance; I’d do it all over again right now if he asked me to.

I hated how he consumed my thoughts. I hated how every decision I made was with him in mind. If you’ve never had someone control you this way, without knowing, you couldn’t understand how I felt and how much it bothered me to feel that way.

So my crazy-irrational-break-your-heart-logicwascrazy-irrational-break-your-heart-logic after all. It was one hell of a three weeks. My crankcase had seen more align boring and press forging in those three weeks than ever before. I couldn’t say I regretted doing any of it because I didn’t. I don’t regret anything that happened, it was the best three weeks I could have imagined. I wished he would see that I was enough for him and that he didn’t have to ask me to stay. I would have stayed just to be with him but I’m not what he needs.

Maybe Chelsea was what he needed, someone without obligations back home, someone who could be there for him every weekend.

Damn you crazy-irrational-break-your-heart-logic. Damn you.

---