Page 110 of Happy Hour

That conversation replayed in my head constantly.

The thought of Sway being without both her parents was literally making me sick. The thought of Sway being without me, was literally making me sick.

So the moment she walked inside the hauler prior to the race—Iliterallygot sick.

First, I told her I love her, then, I told her we couldn’t be together, and now when she gets home, her dad is going to tell her he won’t be around much longer.

If that’s not fucked up—I don’t know what is.

Charlie was diagnosed with metastatic brain cancer a year ago. Sway was in college at the time, focusing on her getting her degree, which Charlie pushed because of his sickness. He wanted her to take over the day-to-day operations of the track when he was gone. I thought it selfish of him and he thought I was selfish for not providing Sway with the relationship she deserved.

A few months ago, I received a call from him stating that he wanted to meet with me and discuss some things. Worried something was wrong with Sway—I caught the next flight out and was in Elma later that night, where he told me he was dying. I freaked out, almost punched in the face for leaving Sway when he was the only family she had left, but then the anger subsided and the grief set in. I’d known Charlie since I was seven and over the years he’d become just as much of a father to me as Jimi was.

He’d continued treatments over the last year, all without Sway’s acknowledgment, but now the treatments had run out. The cancer that started in his brain—had now spread to the rest of his body.

Charlie had begged me not to tell Sway because he wanted to tell her himself. But how do you tell your only child you’re dying?

It’s not a conversation you bring up at the dinner table...and with Sway already losing her mother at such a young age to cancer as well, Charlie was having a hard time with it. So instead of dealing with reality and preparing her for the loss, he prepared her future, the futurehewanted for her. As you can see, I was defensive and fairly grouchy when this topic was brought up.

But really, could you blame me?

When I flew out to see him in March, he asked that I take over ownership of Grays Harbor Raceway from him. Charlie knew he’d need to sell it. Sway wouldn’t be able to handle running the track and ownership all at once.

The plan was for me to take over ownership, Sway would run the day-to-day operations with the help of Mallory and Emily, with Mark Kelly continuing as the track facilitator. There were a handful at maintenance guys but other than that, there just wasn’t a lot of help around there. Not only that, but Charlie just didn’t have the financial capability to hire more. I did though. For everything he put into that track, he wanted and deserved it to be in capable hands.

I didn’t have time to deal with the operation of an entire raceway but I damn sure wasn’t about to let the trackandthe people who gave me my start down, so I agreed.

I was completely against Charlie insisting Sway take over the operation of the track but he was convinced this was what Sway wanted. Part of me blamed him for the reason why I couldn’t be with Sway. Instead of thinking of his daughter’s happiness, or my happiness, he came up with the plan for her.

The only other person who knew Charlie was sick was Mark Kelly and my attorney Phillip Clemons. Tate and others noticed how sick he was but Sway didn’t.

Sway was obtuse to a lot of things in this world. She was just like her mother at times but that was Sway, crazy irrational caprice natured Sway, that I was madly in love with. I hardly recognized myself without her. I was so confused for so long, wondering what was real in the life I was living; that I never looked at was right in front of me, until she left Daytona in February.

She was there when my career began and I had no doubt in my mind Sway would be there when it ended. I had chosen this profession to follow my dreams and exchange it felt as though I was sacrificing my sanity to do so, not to mention my personal life—I had no personal life. And the personal life I wanted, I couldn’t have, or at least I thought I couldn’t have.

I don’t know when my relationship with Sway went from platonic to something more but to this day, I could vividly remember the numbness I felt when she was no longer there every day and the emptiness I felt. When I met Sway, how could I have known that years later our lives would be intertwined to the point of codependency?

Codependency is a strong word when you think about it. Normally I’d associated it with some sort of chemical dependency and really, that’sexactlywhat Sway was to me. I felt the same blissful high when she was around and the wretched withdrawal when she wasn’t.

When Charlie insisted that she go back to college and become an adult as he put it, I saw how much it hurt her to leave but she did it anyways because he asked her to. Knowing why she did it, how would it be okay for me to do the same and ask her to stay? Selfish right?

Well, I did something even more selfish by asking her to stay with me for three weeks, and then telling her that “friends with benefits” was all I could offer her.

Ihonestlythought that’s all I could offer her and Ihonestlythought that’s what she wanted from me. I couldn’t ask her to give up everything and follow me around like the pit lizard everyone thought she was to me.

What I failed to realize was since Sway’s first sexual experience, that’s all she has ever been to men and now, I demeaned her in the worst way.

Sitting there in my car, getting ready for the Sears Point race, I couldn’t focus on anything but Sway needing me when she went home, so when I looked up, hoping Sway would come by once more prior to the race and saw Chelsea, I was shocked. I’d seen her around the track but hadn’t actually spoken to her since the day I left Elma five years ago.

“What do you want?” I seethed. We didn’t exactly part ongoodterms back then.

If there was one person I hated most on this earth, it was Chelsea...well Darrin too...and let’s not forget about Mariah. All right, so I hated a lot of people but for good fucking reason.

“Oh, Jay, don’t be like that.” She uttered skimming her fingers along the window net of my car. “I know you missed me.”

I cringed, she made my skin crawl, “Don’t call me Jay for one,” I snapped refusing to make eye contact with her. “And what the fuck do you want? Get off my race car, you’ll taint it.”

“I have some paper work to give you.” She smiled. “Tate said he needed me to give it to you, he has to fly to Nashville tonight.”

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