Page 126 of Happy Hour

To him, to all of us, life needed to be normal and that’s exactly what I would do, for him.

The next morning Jameson left for North Dakota and I walked back into the house after saying our goodbyes, sad as ever that I wasn’t going to see him until the Northern Sprint Tour was in town—three weeks away.

Once he left, I noticed a note he left on my pillow.

You are where my heart belongs.

Jameson

It looked as though he signed an autograph for me. Smiling to myself, I sent him a text message thanking him once again.

Looking over the note, it finally made sense to me. That uneasiness, vulnerability, the restlessness, the way he kept his distance at the bar that first night, the way he stared at the ceiling afterwards we slept together. It was because of this, the confliction he felt towards the decision. The bigger picture here, and what I never really understood, was me. I was the link he needed, the connection between where he came from and where he was going. I grounded him back to where it all began and reminded him of why he was chasing his dream. I couldn’t take all the credit but I knew the place I held in all this now.

Talk about a revelation.

Charlie was sitting in his chair when I walked into the living room, watching television so I sat down on the couch and watched with him.

I hated baseball but I wanted to spend some time with him.

“Sway, I think you should go to Loudon this weekend.” Charlie told me sometime after the third inning began. “Jameson needs you there.”

Reaching for my mocha, I was confused. “I thought you needed me here this weekend?”

“I only need you here for the bigger events. This weekend is just regular season races.” He glanced over at me. “If these last few days have taught me anything it is that I will not stand in the way of your happiness anymore, youdeserveto be happy. You deserve to be the twenty-two year old that you are.”

I felt relieved to hear him say that. My entire life I had to live way beyond my years and some days, I wanted to be a careless twenty-two year old that didn’t have to worry about a father that was dying of brain cancer or a boyfriend that I wouldn’t get to see all that often or furthermore, the General Manager of a racetrack.

Hold the fuck up.Did I just say boyfriend?

Is that what he is to me now?

Lucas came strolling carelessly inside the house with what appeared to be mud in his hands and he was eating it.

Personally, I wasn’t all that surprised.

Charlie eyed him closer as Lucas walked back outside again, with his mud. “What the fuck, was he eating mud?”

I glanced back at Lucas and then to Charlie again, shrugging my shoulders before slurping my mocha. “It appears that way.”

“What is wrong with those boys?”

I laughed. “You know dad, they’re six-years old. A few years ago, they were still shitting themselves. You really shouldn’t expect so much from them.”

13.Wedge–Jameson

Wedge – Refers to the relationship from corner-to-corner of the weight of the race car. Increasing the weight on any corner of the car affects the weight of the other three corners in direct proportion. Weight adjustments are made by turning “weight jacking screws” mounted on each corner with a ratchet. A typical adjustment for “loose” car would be increase the weight of the left rear corner of the car, which decreases the weight of the left front and right rear corners and increases the weight of the right front. A typical adjustment for a “tight” vehicle would be to increase the weight of the right rear corner, which decreases the weight of the right front and left rear and increases the weight of the left front.

I would have given Sway what she wanted, over and over again...but that wasn’t what this was about anymore. She had no idea the influence she had on me and the ability she had to completely destroy me.

I told myself I’d never let someone else have that type of power over me but she did and I trusted her completely with that power.

I needed her to trust me, and we needed to be patient, if that were at all possible. We both had to learn to take our time with this, because even if she was the one person who really knew me, we were both strangers to each other in a lot of ways.

I wanted to be careful, and make sure that we did things the right way—this time. I wanted to rediscover her, slowly, and in the most intimate ways. I wanted to know her, all of her. In turn, I wanted her to know me in ways I’d never let anyone before.

I fell asleep wrapped around Sway, lulled by her soft breathing against my neck.

When I awoke the next morning by my phone buzzing, I found that heaver of a cat, lying on my stomach.

---