Page 129 of Happy Hour

“Do not.”

“Yes...yesyou do.” He tossed the bill from Glen Brooke Golf Course at me walking to the rear of the jet grumbling again about getting a DNA test done on us.

In my head, I silently added up everything I’d been charged with in the last few weeks as far as destruction went...$25,000 for the race, $34,000 for the hauler, $16,000 for the motor coach, and then the $9,000 for the hotel room. My eyes focused on the recent bill from the golf course, $26,000. I was certainly no math whiz but that was a hefty tag.

Maybe I did need medicated?

It was either that or I was going broke.

When I arrived in Loudon, it was a whirlwind of press, appearances, and interviews. That was just on Wednesday. After averylong fourteen-hour day, I was finally in my hotel room and missing my girl like crazy so I decided to call her.

She answered on the first ring greeting me cheerfully. “Hey there handsome,”

“Hey beautiful,” I rasped, my voice was shot. It sounded like Christian Bail in thoseBatmanmovies. “How was your day?”

“Ohhh,” Sway giggled. “someone had a long day but I’m digging the voice.”

“I’ve missed that giggle, honey.”

“I’ve missed you. I had to spend the day with the devil’s spawn. Little fuckers shaved Mr. Jangles.” she seethed. “He looks like the bear off that Great Outdoors movie—you know the one with the shaved ass?”

Laughing, though I was the only one laughing, she continued to tell me about her day. When I lied back on the bed, I felt something under me. Reaching behind, I fished out a package addressed to Jameson Riley Fan Club.

Emma must have dropped it off so I opened it and out spilled about a hundred envelopes from what looked to be fan mail. Skimming through a few, Sway told me how Lucas also pierced Mr. Jangle’s ears with safety pins while Mr. Jangles purred away.

“I’m not sure who should worry you more, Lucas for doing it, or Mr. Jangles for not scratching the shit out of him.” I teased and gasped loudly when I realized thatallthese letters were from Chester—the male prostitute from jail.

Afraid of the contents, and feeling slightly nauseated, I shoved them all back in the bag and placed it on the floor a good ten feet away.

I may or may not have covered it with a blanket as well.

“I’m not sure who to be worried about either but I’m gonna say the Lucifer twins.” Sway agreed while I made my way back over to the bed. “A couple hours ago Logan brought out my vibrator and proceeded to play Star Wars with Lucas while we ate dinner.”

I was silent for a second trying to comprehend what exactly she just said when I heard Sway take a deep breath.

“What’s the matter, honey?”

“I just...miss you.” Her tone was desperate. “And they’re making me insane.”

“I miss you too,” I whispered in a low voice that I knew would calm her down. “Now,back to this vibrator...” Then I let the full force of my voice loose on her, knowing the effect it could have.

“You’re not allowed to use that voice if we can’t have sex.” Sway warned.

“You know,” I whispered purposefully. “Just because I said we can’t have sex...doesn’t mean we can’t have phone sex...and Ireallywanna talk about this vibrator you have.” I hedged.

Sway moaned loudly. “You’re killing me.” I could hear rustling on the line and imagined she was lying on her bed, already feeling the tightness in the pit of my stomach in anticipation.

“What are you wearing?” I asked in a deep voice that sounded funny to me with how gravelly I’d become. “Come on honey; don’t get shy on me now.”

“Nothing,” her voice softly flowed through the line.

“Wow, that was fast,” I replied.

“I just got out of the shower. Logan got glue in my hair so I spent the last hour in there trying to get it out.” She sighed. “It will be a miracle if I don’t kill them.”

“How about you focus on something else,” I suggested removing my clothes and getting in the bed. “Likeme...back to this vibrator. How long have you had it?”

Sway blew off my questions about the vibrator as if she never mentioned she had one in the first place. “That sounds like a swell idea...what are you wearing stud?”

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