Page 157 of Happy Hour

None of us were really paying any mind to one another. Jameson was playing with his iPod, I was picking off old nail polish, and I had no idea what Emma and Aiden were doing.

“Hey,” Jameson looked around with a sudden zest to his voice. “Where’d the cougar go?”

We all glanced around the clearing only to find she was gone.

“Finally,” Jameson groaned opening his door but quickly closed it when we realizedwhatreplaced the cougar. “Oh Jesus.”

A black bear. Yes, a fucking black bear.

“OH MY GOD!” Emma shrieked in horror crawling on Aiden’s lap. “Drive away Jameson, drive!”

“We can’t leave, Emma.” He told her calmly. “Just be quiet. If we’re quiet, it’ll go away.”

“Not likely,” Aiden chuckled. “He found your Twinkies dude.”

We both looked towards our tent to find it rummaging through our food and more importantly, Jameson’s Twinkie stash.

“Oh damn it,” he groaned in disappointment resting his head against the steering wheel. “I’ve been craving those for like a year.”

The next two hours were spent with the bear eating all our food, Emma screaming any time it got close to the car, the bear sitting on the hood of the car, and then leaving when it smelled Aiden’s pants outside the car.

Good times.

Although remaining in the car, fearing any more animals, we eventually got out.

Emma and I packed up what remained once the animal kingdom left, without the help of Jameson and Aiden because they were doing “Man Things” so they said. This consisted of shooting beer bottles with the shotgun they brought, and lighting the rest of the fireworks, while it rained on us.

Too bad that shotgun was in the tent last night. It would have come in handy for the cougar, or the bear, or Emma if Jameson had his way.

Finally, we were all piled back inside the stench infested Subaru and were ready to get the hell out of this cougar-bear-skunk forest.

“Let’s get out of here.” I was wet, my ass had splinters, and I was cold. I wasn’t fond of any of those things and particularly not together. “I’m done with these animals and this rain.”

Jameson let out a sarcastic laugh and attempted to start the car. The engine just clicked. “Uh, the battery’s dead.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” I panicked. “What do you mean;it’s dead?”

“What do I mean?” he laughed. “I mean the battery’s dead as in thebattery’sdead!”

“My god,” Emma whined from the back seat. “Why is it dead?”

We’ve all had enough, that’s for sure. At this point, I don’t know if I will ever go camping again.

“How can I explain this differently?” Jameson let out a frustrated sigh leaning his head against the steering wheel. “The battery is dead and a car needs a battery to start.”

I sighed frustrated. “How did this happen?”

Visions of being stranded up here flooded my brain. I imagined being one of those tree-hugging-hippies and never shaving my legs or arm pits again. Though never shaving again was alluring, living in the woods was not after last night.

“Clearly, something was left on and drained the battery.” His gaze shifted towards Emma.

“I didn’t think having one light on would drain the battery.”

Jameson and Aiden messed with the battery for a good hour but no luck. It wasn’t starting without jumper cables and something to “jump” it with. Two things we did not have with us.

We ended up calling a tow truck but had to walk down to the main road to help them back here, we were in the middle of fucking deliverance.

“Jesus Christ, Aiden you stink!” Jameson grumbled downwind from him.

---