Page 48 of Happy Hour

As we sat there quietly, me holding in my laughter and Jameson gazing out the windshield as though he was trying to burn a hole through it.

After a few moments, he started the car and drove towards Long Pond where the track was located without saying anything.

I felt bad for Emma, she seemed upset and over the years, she had become like a sister to me. The last thing I wanted was to see her upset. But I was also irritated she brought me into the argument. She was right though.

I knew I was heading for heartbreak but I also knew that if I didn’t stay and see where this went between us, I wouldalwaysregret it and if I thought I would regret not doing something, I did it. Hints how I got in this particular situation with the raging bull next to me.

To understand me, you’d have to understand my childhood.

My mom died when I was very young and though I have vague memories of her, I will never forget what she said to me the last time I saw her alive.

Rachel, my mother, kept her sickness from both Charlie and me. She didn’t tell Charlie until she only had a couple months to live. Rachelalwayslived her life to the fullest, each day she did exactly what she wanted to do and when she wanted to do it. She never let anyone else dictate when or how she did something. Looking back, she did this because she knew she was sick and had very little time left. She wanted to experience everything life had to offer her at twenty-five and she did.

The day she died, I was sitting in her room with her. I’d just made her a Valentine’s Day card and was reading it to her. Once I finished, she smiled and gave me a hug. I curled up in the hospital bed with her she’d called home for the last two months.

And then she gave me her farewell speech.

“Sway, mommy needs to tell you a few things okay.” I nodded with tears in my eyes. “Mommy is very sick you know.” I nodded again.

Charlie had told me on numerous occasions that mommy was sick and wouldn’t be around much longer. I didn’t understand what that meant at the time but being six, I just went along with it. Thankfully, my child innocence provided me with not understanding the magnitude of this.

“Baby,” she began softly, “you know how much mommy loves you right?”

I nodded again and continued to listen to her low strained breathing with my head rested on her chest.

“I want you to remember that. I want you to live each day like it’s your last. If you have something to say to someone, say it to them, don’t wait. When you’re older and you find someone that you love, don’t waste time. Tell them you love them. If there is something you want in life, make it happen. Don’t settle for anything because you think you can’t have what you really want.”

At that point, I was crying because I knew this is her farewell speech to me. Even with the innocence I had in the situation, I knew enough that this was the end.

“I was very young when your father and I had you. I don’t regret having you at all. You’ve brought so much to my life and showed me love that I thought people only dreamed of having. When you were first placed in my arms, I was scared that I’d made a mistake. That I would mess you up somehow but in my moment of fear, you looked up at me. Right then, when I was met with the most beautiful emerald eyes I’ve ever seen. You gave me this look and in that instant I knew I could do it. I knew I could do it because you’d be there to show me how and you have. You showed me there’s so much more to life then personal possessions. There’s love and the love between a mother and her child is beyond anything I could have ever managed. Just remember that honey.”

I never completely understood what she intended by the speech but as I got older, the speech began to make sense and I never forgot it. Rachel lived her life to the fullest and she wanted me to do the same.

From that point on, I did things becauseIwanted to, not because someone else wanted me to. Except when that someone else was Jameson. I couldn’t explain why I held myself to different standards with Jameson, but I did. I loved him and nothing changed that for me.

My logic was off and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m completely insane but for now, for this time I was with him, I was going to have fun and live this life to the fullest. I spent entirely too long waiting to see what would happen. I was the doer now!

I told Charlie I’d be home in time for the Modified Nationals and then after that was the Big E Weekend where the Northern Sprint Tour and the Outlaw’s would be in town, that meant I would get to see Jameson that weekend as well. He had two cars racing in the World of Outlaws so naturally; Jameson said he’d make an appearance for it.

After that, his schedule would be hectic until the end of the season.

We could make this work—even if I were only a friend with benefits, at least I’d be seeing a lot of benefits.

This was my logic—remember?

Completely irrational foolish break your heart logic, but it was mine. So for now, I was going to enjoy my three weeks of friends with benefits and put my emotions aside.

That was my plan. Not that it would turn out well but it was my plan.

Once we pulled into the pit-entrance, the race weekend was in full swing and Jameson was now in race mode.

It might not have been the best timing but I decided to try to make him see Emma’s side. I didn’t want him going into practice upset, as he tends to get a little hasty out there if his mood is off.

“Jameson, you should apologize to Emma and Aiden.” I suggested looking at the ten text messages I had from Emma apologizing for bringing me into the argument.

“I willnotapologize to Aiden. Iwillapologize to Emma, when she calms down, but Aiden,” he shook his head. “He had it coming. I asked him repeatedly if anything was going on and he said no.” he turned his head to look at me. “That’s what he gets for not being honest with me in the beginning.”

“Have you ever thought that maybe he was afraid to tell you?” I pointed out in the form of a question.

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