Page 122 of Black Flag

Approaching her room, Icould see through the window that she was finally awake, glancing around andher hand that wasn’t in the cast resting on her swollen stomach. It tookeverything in me not to run to her but I needed a minute...to gain control. She couldn’t see melike this.

I needed that control Ididn’t have. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the heavy wooden door open. Shedidn’t notice me until I was beside the bed.

When her eyes finallymet mine, I lost what was left and fell to my knees at her bedside, sobbing.When my hands touched hers, I felt the same connections I’d always felt.

Her eyes fluttered.“Jameson?” she croaked out and began crying, wincing in pain as she tried toreach for me.

“I’m...right...here...honey...don’tmove,” I cried out inbroken sobs, my chest tightened as my heart began racing. “I’m so...sorry.” I brought her hand to my wetlips, my tears falling to her ivory bruised skin. “I’m...sorry...I’mso fucking sorry.” My free hand reached for her stomach rubbing it softly. I’dhoped the baby would move for me, reassuring me, but it didn’t happen. Though Icould see on the monitor that the baby was moving, it just wasn’t enough for meto feel.

Sway just let me sitthere, clutching her hand desperately with my other hand over our child, cryingwith her as I repeated over and over again how sorry I was. All the emotions Ihad felt yesterday came crashing back in an instance. The moment I felt hersafe and in my arms, I never wanted to let go.

I jumped when her doorcracked opened a few minutes later.

An older light hairedwoman peeked inside. “Oh...sorry,” she said takingin our appearances. “I’mRenatafrom Obstetrics butyou can call meRen.” She smiled rolling in a largemachine. “I’m here to perform the ultrasound this morning.”

I stood, keeping myhand wrapped around Sway’s, “Should I...uh...leave?”

“No!” Sway panickedreaching for me once again and then wincing in pain, clutching her side.“Please don’t go, please stay!” her eyes were frantic with worry and need.“Please don’t leave me.”

“Sway honey, I have togo soon.” I choked out. “I can’t stay today...Ihave to be at the track. We couldn’t find a relief driver for me.” Dad had toldme that he and Kyle asked around but Justin had to be in Eldora and it seemedno one else was available. Gordon was also the last say of who could get intothe car so he denied anyone we asked for.

Tears spilled over hercheeks. The emerald in her eyes spoke for her pain.

“I know...” shehiccuppedunderstanding as she always did. “Can you stay for the ultrasound?”

“Yes, if that’s whatyou want.” I gently wiped the tears from her cheek, careful not to touch thebruises. I wanted so badly to hold her right then, feel the warmth of her bodyagainst mine and feel that she was okay but I was afraid to even touch her,afraid I’d hurt her. And afraid I wouldn’t let go.

She nodded carefully.“I want...you to see the baby.”

“All right then.”Renbegan opening drawers and equipment needed beforepulling the machine toward the bed. Gently she drew back the thick whiteblanket covering Sway and removed the monitor wrapped around her bruisedmidsection.

After pouring an insaneamount of lubricant on her slightly swollen belly, she moved the wand lookingthing back and forth. “Ah, there’s the little person.”

Sway’s eyes flickeredto the monitor as did mine.

And there, seeing itfor the first time; was my child. A part of me, a part of Sway, a part of us,was inside of her. I was mesmerized. The loud steady heartbeat reassured me thebaby was okay for now. I couldn’t divert my eyes even if I wanted to. That wasmychildmoving around inside her,our child, we created.

“Would you like to knowthe sex of the baby?”Renasked. Her eyes glancedback and forth between Sway and me.

“Oh,” Sway said with ahint of excitement in her tired voice. “Can you tell already?”

“Yes. Do you want toknow? It’s very obvious right now.” Her smile had grown into a full grin.

Grasping my hand withSway’s, I chuckled lightly pressing her hand to my lips. “I want to know if youdo, honey.”

My eyes locked withSway, wide emerald eyes that would never lie to me, heart shaped face withporcelain skin staring back at me and for a moment, I saw our entire livestogether.

It was strange to methat when something in your life begins, you generally have an idea of how it’sgoing to end or how you want it to end. The career you dreamed about your wholelife becomes your reality. The eleven year oldgirlwho stole your heart without knowing it at, becomes the love of your life. Andthe baby that happened by accident, becomes your world.

I’ve known people whohave spent their entire lives planning for the future and trying to predictevery step of the way, subconsciously cushioning themselves for the blow ifanything went wrong. But the thing was,you can’tpredict the future. Every step you make takes you in a different directiontoward another path, maybe even a completely different path. But what happenswhen that future you thought you would never have, reveals itself to you? Youtake it because for being a future you never thought you wanted, it was better.

What I couldn’t getpast was if I blinked, it could be gone.

With her eyes stillfocused on my own, Sway smiled that breathtaking smile for me as though shecould hear what I was thinking, feel what I was feeling.

“I want to know.” Itold her softly in assurance.

Rengrinned widely, herbrown hazel eyes sparkled at Sway. I could tell this was part of her job sheloved, “That right there,” she pointed in between the baby’s legs and I laughedknowing damn well what it was, “Is your son,”

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