Page 124 of Black Flag

And then I saw thehurt. Hurt for us. Hurt for her. Hurt for me.

“Because I had todosomething Sway,” I finally exploded. I couldn’t take itany longer. “I couldn’t sit back and act like it didn’t happen. Act as if hedidn’t take something so personal from you, from me! I can’t be with you everysecond of the day, though I would if I could. It scares the shit out of me. Idon’t want to be like this...soprecariously codependent on you. But I am.” My voice cracked in frustration. “Ihad to do something.” I turned away from her, unnerved by the moisture in myeyes. Several tense, painful seconds went by as I struggled to get it together.“He could havekilledyou and my son, imagine how that felt to me.”

Sway’s voice was justabove a whisper. “Don’t you see Jameson—you can’t protect me all the time. Youshouldn’t have to. We shouldn’t be...”her voice faded.

My eyes tightened ather words. I fucking knew this was coming. I knew she would have a reactionlike this at some point. And now she was at the worst possible time.

“Sway,” I pleaded,reaching for her. “Don’t do this...please...honey...”

“You don’t understand.”She said pushing me away.

How the fuck could shepossibly think that? What didn’t I understand?

I shook my head slowlystaring at the floor and not a lot else.

“I don’t understand?” Irepeated in disbelief. Reaching forward, I placed my hand under her chinforcing her to look at me. “I’m going to pretend...you didn’t just say that to me.”

Sway flinched at thesound of my icy voice. It was rare for me to ever direct this type of angertoward Sway but that statement royally pissed me off. I was absolutely lividthat she believed that enough to say it.

“Are you thinking...of leaving me?”

She didn’t say anythingjust stared at me, blank and completely unreadable.

I pulled away, angerpulsing through me as I tried to control myself in front of her, and which Iwas failing at miserably. Instinctively I hurled a vase of flowers toward thewall, the loud crash of glass hitting the wall echoed through the silent room.

My furious gaze methers. Sway just continued to stare back at me in abject horror before I turnedto walk away. I just laid everything I had on the line for what...her to leave when shit got real?

What I knew in my heartthough, that wasn’t Sway.

“Oh god!” she criedhysterically. “Jameson, I’m so sorry, no...no...Ican’t leave you, please...don’t leave...that wasn’t what I meant...” her voice trailed off as speakingbecame impossible through her tears.

My aggression got to meand I punched the door before I had her in my arms instantly, Sway clung to meas though I was her lifeline to breathe; frantically grabbing anywhere shecould to get closer to me. Her arm circled tightly around my neck.

I wanted so badly tostay and hold her like I should after that but I couldn’t, I had no otherchoice.

“It’s okay, I know.” Imurmured. “I know...I’m sorry. I’m sofucking sorry.”

Kyle rapped lightly onthe door and stuck his head in pointing to his watch. “I’m really sorry to interruptyou guys but...we need to get to thetrack.” I nodded annoyed my time with her was up and irritated that we spentthe last few minutes arguing.

My eyes flickered backtoward Sway.

“I’m sorry honey, but Ireally do have to go.” Standing beside her bed, my knuckles rubbed against therail, wincing when I saw the tears return. “I’ll be back tonight after therace.”

She only nodded. Ididn’t know if it was all the medication she was on or if this was just toohard for her, either way, it left me feeling more like an asshole for leaving.

I carefully leanedforward to rest my hand on her belly, and kissed her. Her lips were soft andwarm and everything I wanted to feel in that instant. Without another word,only because I knew my voice would fail me, I mouthed “I love you,” backingaway from her bedside. Watching in despondency as tears slipped down herbruised cheek my heart was breaking, my gut wrenching in pain to stay.

I hated this part of myjob. But I chose this profession, I signed a contract. I had commitments that Icouldn’t walk away from without ruining everything I’d ever worked for. Thiswas the entire reason why I didn’t want Sway caught up in my life style tobegin with. How could I have asked her to be with me knowing damn well Icouldn’t provide her with the security she needed? Sway needed a man who wouldbe there for her when she needed him. Be there when their child was born, andbe there when her dad died. At this point, I had no idea where I would be whenthe baby was born. I had no idea where I would be when Charlie died.

Alley met us at the endof the hallway. Emma was leaning against the wall staring at her quarterdiamond ring and holding a wedding planner.

“Emma...will you...stay with her?” I asked tipping my head toward Sway’s room.

She didn’t answer, justsmiled widely and headed for the room with the wedding planner.

Alley laughed, tuckinga strain of loose black hair behind her ear. “I feel bad for Sway. And by theway, congrats on it being a boy.”

“How did you know?”

---