Page 126 of Black Flag

Now I clearly was notthinking when I said yes. I had no idea what was on that surveillance video butthat part of me that was completely reckless and out of control, had to knowwhat happened. I had so many emotions going through my head I wasn’t sure howto deal with them at that point. I was holding on by a thread, and a very thinthread at that. Barely breathing, barely even surviving among the living hadbecome my purpose these last few days. Even with all that, I wasn’t aware thatthe final thread could be cut in a matter of seconds.

“The recording is for athree hour period so there is a lot of pass through here.” He sped up the videoand the time stamp raced by an hour in seconds when you saw the door open andMariah walk down the stairs, and then back up again with a closed for cleaningsign.

I had no idea Mariahwas involveduntil now.

“The police have this?”

“Yes,” he assured me.“Mariah was arrested this morning.”

There was something offabout his behavior though, I couldn’t place it but it seemed malicious. I’dnever really trusted Gordon and I wasn’t about to now.

Gordon sped the videoup another thirty minutes. Then you see the door open once again, and Sway steppedinside, took about ten steps before abruptly stopping. Even on the video, youcan see her body tense. Or maybe it was that I knew her reactions well enoughto know when she was scared.

Less than a minutelater Darrin appears to step behind her. This was the part of the video wheremy breathing increased considerably, and my blood began to boil. It was liketorture I’d never endured before.

The next few minuteswere probably the most horrifying minutes of my entire life, watching inrevulsion as Darrin...oh god...this has to be a nightmare...a vile unspeakable nightmare. The imagesof her attack burned into my brain.

Her body was limp,lifeless and bleeding as he hovered over her. A sharp pain rose in my throat atthe sight as a severe case of vertigo hit me like a wrecking ball. When hetried to push her against the wall and reached for the button of his jeans, Istaggered back away from the screen, gasping for breaths.

All this time, Ithought I knew what pain was. I was wrong.Soincrediblywrong.

“Oh god...why...” I let out a strangled sob. “Why would you show me that?”I yelled out slamming my fists against the wall of his office. Falling to thefloor, the shock of everything finally settled in.

The thread had beencut.

I tried not to see it,I tried to make it stop, but the images wouldn’t stop. They were constant.

Pain, torture, anguish,agony, grief...all crashed over me,piling up, waiting for the next turn to beat me down, and queuing in line torip me to pieces. Each emotion was tearing through me. The weight in my stomachwas ripping through me. I buried my face in my hands, begging for the pain todissipate. Beseeching for relieve but feeling nothing.

I lay there, collapsedon the floor on the NASCAR hauler, the pain coursing through me so rapidly Ithought I would shatter at any moment if I didn’t get relief. My mind was gogarbled I couldn’t decipher emotions let alone voices but I thought I heardAlley.

I was sure it was Alleywhen I felt her arms wrap around me, her voice frantic in my ear. “Jameson!Jameson you have to pull it together.Please, pull yourself together.”She soothed, rubbing my back. “There are media reporters everywhere out there,buddy.” I wasn’t sure if I was crying or not but by her frantic reassuringlystrokes against my cheeks I must have been. “It’s okay. You’re going to beokay.”

I tried to stand butjust staggered backwards, sobs racked through me, shaking me to the core.

“You’re a fuckingasshole!” Alley screamed toward Gordon. She reached for his laptop and launchedit across the hauler. It smashed against the wall, the screen finally goingblack. “You should havenevershowed him that. Do you know what you’vejust done?”

As always, reality waswaiting outside the doors. I knew I needed to get to the drivers meeting but Icouldn’tfuckingbreathe. The heartache I was feelingwas so intense, so all consuming that I didn’t know where I was at. I wouldhave fallen to my knees again if Alley hadn’t been holding me up.

“Spencer?” she calledout holding me against her side. “Help me! We need to get him back to the motorcoach.”

Still disoriented, Icould feel arms of steel wrap around me and pull me toward the door. As soon asthe muggy air of the afternoon assaulted me, reporters did as well all sensingthe break.

“Jameson, how are youholding up? How’s Sway doing?” a reporter with ESPN asked. I felt like fuckingpunching him for even asking.

“I’m sorry,” Alleyinterrupted stepping between the reporter and me. “Jameson will not be takingany questions.”

Clearly, I was notokay. I smiled but it was merely a desperate attempt to hide my anger andgrief. It was pretty fucking evident that I was not okay at all. Weavingthrough them, Spencer got me inside the golf cart.

I could barely keepfrom breaking down on the way to the motor coach. Once inside, I collapsedagainst the couch. Spencer and Alley went to find Kyle. I’m not sure how muchtime passed but the next voice I heard was Kyle.

“What happened?” Iheard him ask when he walked inside. “He was fine before he went to seeGordon.”

Spencer handed me wateras Alley explained to Kyle what Gordon showed me.

“Are you fuckingkidding me?” Kyle seethed before storming out.

“Jameson...” Alley sighed and bent down beside meon the floor where I was slumped once again, trying to pull myself together.“You have to get to the driver meeting.”

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