Page 133 of Black Flag

No flying and nopenetration? They might as well lock me up.

The thought of a roadtrip across country was not appealing to me seeing how Jameson wouldn’t be ableto accompany me. He had to fly out tomorrow morning for Dover, then Kansas. Bythe time my two weeks were up, he’d be flying to Fontana again and thenstraight to Martinsville. His schedule was crazy right now with the last nineraces of the series. We didn’t have time for this, but there I was in bed,recovering. Bed rest was inconvenient as hell right now.

OnceRenataleft, Jameson and I spoke for a few minutes aboutthe baby but I could tell his attention was elsewhere. His phone had beenbuzzing all morning but he’d yet to answer it. I knew real life was waiting forhim.

“What happened?” Iasked softly, my face resting against his chest. They finally took my bandageoff my head but the stitches couldn’t be removed for another two weeks. Thecast on my arm had to stay on for another four weeks after that, which sucked.

“Sway...honey, it is reallyhardfor meto talk about it,” he breathed against my forehead. We still hadn’t talkedabout anything that happened. Even last night after the race, he didn’t want totalk, just held me all night. Which was fine but eventually, we would need totalk about it before it blistered into something much worse.

“I know...it’s just...no one will actually tell me what happened and I don’tremember anything. The only thing I remember is walking into the stairwell,after that, everything is a blank until I woke up here.”

Jameson didn’t sayanything but I felt his heart beating rapidly.

“The police said hetried to—”

His hand came up andsilenced my lips, shaking his head he spoke slowly with a sharp edge to histone that I’d never heard before. “Don’t say that word...please, for the sake of my fucking sanity,don’t say it.”

“Did he?” I askedpoint-blank.

“He tried but Emmawalked in,” his eyes got that glazed over formidable look they’ve had since hecame back from the race yesterday. “I saw the surveillance video.”

“Youwhat?”I asked alarmed trying to sit up.

He took a quick deepbreath running his hands through his hair and then down his jaw. “Gordon showedme the video yesterday before the race.”

“Jesus...what did you do? Why don’t the policehave it?”

“They do have it.” Isensed him shutting down. “Listen, can we not talk about this right now?”

“Sure.” I mutteredsourly my gaze found the window.

I was irritated that noone would tell me what happened. I just wanted to know. What’s wrong with that?

Jameson’s hand movedfrom his hair to touch my cheek, turning me to look at him again. His eyes focusedintently on mine for a moment. “I’m sorry...Ijust, it’s hard forme.” he choked, his eyes glistenedtipping his head, his eyes squeezed shut. “I...can’texplain what I felt in that moment. It was like seeing my own personalnightmare come true...and then re-living it,overandoveragain. It’s all I see right now. I can’t stop...the images.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What did I say aboutthat?” he growled tensing as he became increasingly rigid.

“What do you want me tosay? I don’t know what to say...Idon’t know how to talk to you about it. Everything with you and me was alwaysso easy. I could talk to you but now, you won’t let me.”

“Because,” his eyesdropping as his guard took over. “I don’t want to think about it,”

“Jameson,” I sighed. “Idon’t want to fight with you about this anymore. I just want to know whathappened to me. I didn’t know that was so much to ask for.”

“I can’t tell youthat.” He let out a dramatic huff removinghimselffrom the bed. “I don’t even want to think about what happened, let alonerepeat it.” He mumbled walking out of the room.

I was expecting him topunch the wall or show some sort of outward anger but nothing. He just walkedout.

I started crying oncehe left, my face buried in my pillow. He was gone about ten minutes when there wasanother knock at the door.

“Is it a bad time?”Officer Henley, the detective on my case, peeked inside.

This wasn’t the firsttime we’d spoken so I felt comfortable enough to have him in here alone withme.

“No,” I choked brushingmy tears away. “Come in.”

“Are you sure? I cancome back later.”

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