Page 135 of Black Flag

Even in high school when he was datingme. The way he looked at you when you walked by...I only wished he would havelooked at me the same way. I was jealous. I did something incredibly stupid andI will pay the consequences now.

When Jameson told me he was leaving, henever gave me the option to go with him, but he did with you. Right then I knewhim leaving with you would end in you two together. I was surprised it took aslong as it did.

I never understood his obsession withracing but you did and that’s why you two were perfect for each other. I knowmy apologizing isn’t going to help anything but for myself I had to do it.

Therefore, I wish you, Jameson and yourchild a happy and healthy life together. I’m sorry for any pain I’ve caused youguys. I only wanted Jameson out of it but I knew when I saw you in Charlottewith him, it wasn’t going to happen.

I’m sorry it went as far as it did. Iwish the best for you.

Sincerely,

Chelsea Adams

I didn’t know what tosay. Who knew she actually had a heart. I didn’t forgive her, and if I ever sawher again, I would probably set her on fire, but at least she had the decencyto apologize.

What a morning, was my firstthought.

I folded the note away,intending on giving it to Officer Henley, when Jameson returned.

His expression was thesame. Lost, confused, sad, tormented...youname it...Jameson was feeling it.I could hardly look into his eyes without seeing the culpability drowning him,seas of burden colliding with the waves of reprieve. To think he might not seepast this made it hard to believe.

I knew there was aburning anger there just waiting to be released. The worst partwas knowingit hadn’t yet.

“Where did those comefrom?” he asked motioning with his head to the display of white roses. Hisvoice was dull and shredded of any emotion.

“Well they uh...” my voice halted when he reached forthe note. There’s nothing I could have said in that moment, nothing. I knew thereaction that was coming. I knew the fury that was about to be displayed.

The instant he realizedwho the note was from, the vase shattered against the wall of the room. Glass,water, and flowers crashed toward the floor. He didn’t stop there andoverturned the tray next to the bed sending it flying toward the wall.

“Thatfucking bitch!”Jameson stood with his back to me, his hands resting on the windowsill, hisbreathing short gasps. “How could she?”

He wasn’t looking foran answer and I knew enough about his temper not to reply.

I could see his handstrembling as he struggled to gain his composure. The whites of his knucklesprominent and I knew he was moments away from punching the window.

“Jameson...pleasedon’tpush me away.” I spoke softly trying not to set him off further. “I need youright now. I need you now more than ever. Just,pleasedon’t turn away.”

Before I finished the lastword, he was beside me, crawling into my bed. “I’m sorry honey.” He saidurgently when his lips found mine. Frantically, he kissed me repeatedly. “I’msorry.” He said between kisses. “I just don’t know how to deal with this.”

Pulling back to look athim, I touched his rough jaw. “I don’t either, but together we have a betterchance than dealing with it alone.”

“You’re right.” Hesighed leaning his cheek into my palm. “I just hate that this happened becauseof me. I was wrong to want you but I did and now you’re paying for it. I didn’tlisten to his warnings and now you’re here, hurting.”

“What do you mean?” Myface buried in his neck, wanting to feel the warmth of him.

“I just...you know with everything going on. Iwant to stay here with you but I can’t...Ihave to fly out tomorrow and what happens when the baby is born, will I bethere? It’s everything, all the time,pilingup on meand I just feel like I’m drowning in it all and not being there for you iswhat’s sinking me. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

I reached for his handthat was resting on my stomach, bringing it to my heart. “You’re always herewith me, right here...in my heart.”

I saw the first smileI’d seen in a while, it was my smile, but he didn’t say anything just nodded. Hispalm moved to rest against my cheek and then pulled my lips to his.

I began to realize whyJameson had wanted sex the moment we were alone when he was in the hospital. Itprovided a bandage to the pain. It was a way to forget and think of somethingelse entirely. It was a way to escape the reality and the heartache of thesituation.

When his kisses slowed,I rested my head against his chest listening to his steady breathing.

“Just hold me.” Ibreathed and he did.

“I’m scared I’ll neverlet go.” He trembled and I shook, two hearts breaking into one. He whispered afew more words too low for me to hear against my cheek before kissing it.

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