Page 140 of Black Flag

“Wait...did we just start talking about porn?”

“You’re adorable.” Hesaid with a chuckle, his head flopped to the side getting comfortable.

“Yeah, well you lookexhausted.” I traced his tired eyes.

“No...youlook exhausted.” Hetold me with a weak smile and heavy eyes. “I look handsome.”

“And so modest,”

I could tell he wasfading fast so I laid my head back against his chest. After a few moments of listeningto his steady breathing, it slowed and I could tell he hadfinallyfallen asleep.

When I thought aboutwhat happened to Jameson and me, it was hard to imagine that we could overcomeit. It was difficult to imagine overcoming almost anything we’d been through sofar. But we had and I knew now wouldn’t be any different.

I knew our lives wouldbe forever changed by what Darrin had done. But I was also determined as hellto find my happy right now again and turn it into my fairytale of happily everafter despite what Darrin had threatened to tear apart. I wanted it. I neededit.

Eventually I too fellasleep but not after admiring Jameson as he slept against me. His featuressoftened from his usual tenseness. It was times like this, lying in his arms,that I wonder if he actually knew how much I loved him, how much I needed him.My happiness depended so much on him that it scared me. He said he wasprecariously co-dependent on me, but I was just as much of a fool for him. Ialso knew it would never change for us, and I was okay with that. I was okaywith being co-dependent on him.

Jameson had to leave inthe morning for an appearance on Wind Tunnel, which was a TV show, hosted byDave Harford, a former NASCAR driver himself. Alley went with him so that leftEmma here with me. Thankfully Nancy stayed too so at least I had some “normal”company.

She didn’t speak much,just knitted. She was knitting a baby blanket for the little spaz but I had toremind her he was just a baby, not Shrek. The damn thing could cover aCalifornia king mattress by the way she was knitting away.

“Here,” Emma handed mea note with a rose and a decaf mocha. “This is from the asshole.”

Nancy laughed as Emmaskipped out with her wedding planner leaving me alone with her.

Sway,

Honey, I can’t tell you that I can get past what’shappened as easily as you can because that’s not me. But I will try.

I can’t promise I will ever get over it but I love youand I think that’s all that matters. It’s not your fault. It never was sopleasedon’tthink that.

All I can say is that I want the same thing I wantedbefore, you, and our family. My love won’t change. He didn’t change that andnever could.

Please hear me when I say that I love you and you’rewhat I want. With all my heart,

Jameson Riley #9

I was grinning andcrying and then I was sniffling and finally sobbing into Nancy’s shoulder. Heconfessed his love once moreandI got my autograph.

“I’m worried abouthim.”

Nancy brushed my hairaside and smiled. “You know Sway, they are all the same. They carry a blanketof burden on a pillow of pleasure.”

And she was absolutelyright. Jameson carried a burden just to have the pleasure racing created forhim. Though he was struggling with everything else now, racing was what wouldget him past this.

I smiled when the showcame on remembering his note this morning.

“Did Jimi ever haverival drivers?”

Nancy snorted. “Ohyeah, I remember a few. Though none ever took it to the levels Darrin did, hehad them. I actually remember one race in particular where he and this racerout of Australia got into at the World Finals in Charlotte in the 90’s. The twoof them took out half the field with their cheap shots at each other. Jimiended up getting suspended for the first race of the next season. I thinkthat’s when he took a step back and looked at how his attitude could destroyhis career if he let it.”

I nodded listening toher knitting needles knock together. She got frustrated with a knot and pulledon it. “Jimi finally had to get to a point where he just had to ignore them andthat wasn’t easy for him.”

“Jameson will learn. Hehas always been this way but eventually he comes around. For a driver,aggression is a hard line to understand. With practice they learn when and howto turn it on and off.”

Nancy always had a wayof helping me understand what I couldn’t see for myself.

“Ladies and gentlemen,thanks for joining us this morning. Today’s guest is the hottest Winston Cupdriver in the series today and I’m sure the ladies think I’m talking about hislooks, though there’s that. But I’m talking about this twenty-three year oldkid from Elma Washington who grew up on the dirt tracks of the PacificNorthwest.” Dave said before Jameson came out. “He started his career at fouryears old racing quarter midgets. The day he graduated from high school hisbrother, sister, and some friends traveled around the south and mid-west racingsprint cars, midgets, and late models collecting wins like the USAC TripleCrown and Chili Bowl Midget Nationals. That was until he caught the attentionof Tate Harris. After that, his rise to fame was quick and here we are today,the morning after his sixth career win in the Cup series. Please welcome thedriver of the Simplex Shocks andSpringsnumber nineFord, Jameson Riley!”

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