Page 146 of Black Flag

“You can’t be serious!”Van said. “We arenotlistening to Britney Spears. I draw the line there!”He ripped the iPod out of the stereo, tossing it in Emma’s lap.

“That’s hardly fair!”She glared at him. “I let you listen to that country shit earlier.”

“Ms. Sway, isn’t ityour turn to sit in the front seat?” his eyes met mine in the review mirror,pleadingly.

“No, no—you guys goahead. This is entertaining.”

By the time we did makeit to the hotel, Van was annoyed and so was I. Not only did Emma get her waywith the Britney Spears but she proceeded to sing along to every goddamn song.

Now Jameson could singlike a motherfucker. Emma, she cannot, not even a little bit. She wascompletely tone deaf and sounded like a coyote in heat.

When we checked in, wewere all cranky.Extremelycranky.

“You know what? I hopeyou piss the bed!” Emma blurted out the first thing she could think of toinsult me when I told her I refused to sleep in the same bed as her.

“Yeah well, if I do,I’m putting the sheets on you!” I barked back curling into mySnooglepillow.

It was ridiculous. Wewere never going to make it to Elma, alive together, like this considering wewere only in Jamestown New York and ready to kill each other.

I tried to sleep butwith Emma and her snoring I remained wide-awake. Who knew someone who wassotiny could snoresoloudly. I remembered this from our summers togethertraveling though. And it wasn’t about to get any betteranytime soon.

The noise eventuallybecame too much.

I even tried putting apillow over her head but that just seemed to echo the noise.

The hotel room we werein overlooked the pool and it was calling my name, either that, or I washearing things now. As Ilaidthere, thinking aboutwhat happened over the course of the last six months, I couldn’t help but thinkmaybe if I closed my eyes, it would all be a dream. I did and when I openedthem, I was disappointed it wasn’t.

Van was sound asleep onthe couch and amazingly enough; I snuck past him and made my way to a loungechair near the pool. I was just outside the room, I didn’t go far but it wasthe first time since the accident where I felt I was completely alone. And notin the sense that I was alone, it was that I felt freedom.

About ten minutes intomy alone time, the skies in New York began to rumble and growl. Did I move?

No.

Me, and my little spaz,sat there as the wind picked up slightly. The air smelled and felt humid withthe impending rain clouds approaching.

The airadopted an overpowering humidity with the approaching storm.

One minuteit was sunny, and the next, the sky was occupied by dense, suffocating clouds,as though fate had stepped in and unrolled a dark cotton blanket over the city.

Have youever observed the pattern of a rainstorm?

The rainusually starts out light. Then, before you know it, you’re trapped in adownpour. Where there once was dry pavement, now there are puddles. Where youonce were secure and warm, now you are vulnerable.Dry turnsto wet, blue to black, and then, with the shifting of the wind, wet turns backto dry, and a rainbow appearsin the sky.

You wonderwhat the point is. Then, in the quiet after the storm, you notice that theplanet and animals that were previously dehydrated and dirty are now nourishedand bathed. That with each drop of rain, life was cultivated and restored.That you, who were once weary and wilted, are rejuvenated,stronger.A survivor.

So drenched and maybe alittle cold, I watched the rippling of each drop spring from the pool. I’dnever felt more alive sitting there in that rain storm, cleansed of the past.

Vanappeared,his glare obvious even through my wet lashes and blurred vision. “I’ve beenlooking for you Ms. Sway.” His hand reached for mine. “Please come with me.You’ll get sick out here.”

I shook his hand away,“No, I’m fine.” And then I was crying.

Van shifted his weightfrom one foot to the next contemplating my denial and then his sighed taking aseat beside me. “Are you okay?” his eyes narrowed as he scrutinized things hemay have missed before when I kept telling everyone I was all right.

“No.” I admitted for thefirst time. “I thought I was but I’m worried. What if everything isn’t okay?What if Jameson can’t get past this?”

He didn’t say anything,he too focused on the pool anditsrippling waterdrops.

“Just lie to me.”

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