Page 149 of Black Flag

Most race car driversfear the unknown and we fear ourselves. It’s almost like there’s a shadow offear following us around. It’s fear,it’sdoubt, it’sanxiety, it’s everything all the time. But the thing was, we couldn’t let on wehad this fear. If we did, people would know we weren’t those mythical creaturesthey thought we were.

Instead, we hope thatby winning more races and outsmarting the competition on setups that we canoutrun all this fear, doubt and anxiety, andbethosemythical creatures.

Some say you can’toutrun a shadow. So how do you leave it behind? How do you leave behind fearand move forward?

Alley looked down atme, her face relaxing. “I don’t know...just...you’re being fined again.” she threw thepaperwork at me. “You cannot throw your helmet at an official and not getfined. You can’t flip an official off and you sure as shit can’t try to run oneover with your car.” Her eyebrow arched. “I know damn well your foot didn’tslip off the brake.”

“Whatever.” I mumbled.

“Don’t whatever me.”she protested punching my shoulder. “You need to take this seriously.”

“Don’t touch me,Alley!” I stormed out of the hauler before I said something I’d regret, ordestroyed something. The metal door slammed behind me. I was tired of everyonetelling me whatIneeded to do or howIshould feel about allthis.

“Jameson?” I heardsomeone call from behind.

I glanced over myshoulder but kept walking and noticed Tate trying to catch up with me. “Jameson,hold up a minute.” He took a few large strides before he was beside me.

I drew in a deepbreath, ran my hand through my hair and turned toward him.

“What’s up man?” I wastrying to act patient but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t considering I wasn’t evenlooking him in the eye, my attention was focused on my phone checking mymessages.

“You want to grab somedinner?” he asked keeping pace with me.

“I need to go callSway.” I told him, my voice full of forlornness. “But after that we can.”

“Sounds good...call me when you’re done,”

When I entered themotor coach Spencer and Aiden were in there playing Xbox. One look from me andthey were making up excuses as to why they needed to leave, which was fine beme.

I changed out of myrace suit and then sat down on the couch.

I knew I was fuckingup. I knew I needed to snap out of this bullshit but I honestly had no clue howto.

My thumb hovered overSway’s number but before I called, I needed to get my shit together. She didn’tneed to speak with the out of control reckless man I’d become these past fewdays. She needed the man she fell in love with.

I could see the sun onthe horizon, dark to light, nothing changed though. For me, I remained rootedin the shadows of the aftermath trying to make my way through rubble.

I pressed send andwaited for Sway to answer. Her voice was soft and tranquil when she answered.“Hey handsome,”

“Hey yourself,beautiful,” I smiled to myself that just the tone of her voice could relax me.“How are you feeling?”

“I’m good. Feelingbetter every day,” She told me. “How was practice?” her voice had a certainjovialness that made me smile.

“Thanks for the sixtythree voicemails last night. I had no idea my phone could hold that many.”

“Now you know. Tommywas behind some of them. By the way, that shit head managed to gethimselfkicked out of here!”

“How the hell did hemanage that?”

“Whoknows.How was the race?”

She knew I wasstalling.

“It’s was okay...I got fined though.” I knew once Jimiheard about another fine, I would be in hot water once again with him not tomention Simplex.

“Why?”

“I kind of threw myhelmet at an official when he black flagged me during practice.”

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