Page 153 of Black Flag

We feel caged, we run.We feel danger, we run. We want comfort and we want to feel safe.

What really sets usapart from animals is our ability to adapt and evolve to situations. A Grislybear isn’t going to suddenly say, “Hey I think I’ll not attack this human.”

Thatbearruns on instinct and always will when he feels threatened.

Sure we, as inmyself, may react when faced with danger but we also havethe ability to say we’re sorry, something an animal can’t do. And though I wouldn’tblame them, thankfully no one was going to shoot me with a tranquilizer foracting this way. That Grisly, well he probably didn’t fare as well.

But I had anopportunity, a chance to beg for forgiveness and show others I was worth iteven with my animal instincts.

I poured my begging forforgiveness into my natural ability. The only way I knew how to show them justhow much I appreciated them not giving up on me. I won the race.

As I pulled intovictory lane, I was only thinking of Sway. I wanted her here with me to sharethis, to experience this and see how much I appreciated her. So much of mysuccess and my determination, comes from her. It’s because of her that I wantto be a better man and forget those animal instincts, communication issues anddeadly sins. Determination and desire can take you a long ways if you want itbad enough.

Combine those twotraits, determination and desire, and you can be a relentless unstoppable sonof a bitch. That was me. Nothing was holding me back now. I was on a mission. Amission to forget those animal instincts to run when faced with fear but alsorespected one important instinct I had, determination when you saw your prey insight. I had my prey insight.A championship.

Sway was right,champions aren’t made,theyare born. It takesambition, determination, and sacrifice.A lot of sacrifice.But after all the blown engines, DNF’s, brushes with concrete, late night,early rises, and time away from my family is washed away by the champagne andbeer spraying me in the face, something changed. I realized that dream I dreamtabout as a four-year old kid sitting in your dad’s sprint car was within reachand this was worth it.

As my team hollered andscreamed around me, I looked up into the sky, and for the first time in years,I prayed. With my body drenched in sweat, I rested my head against the roof ofmy car and gave in.

I prayed that it wouldbe okay. I prayed I’d find the strength to be the man I needed to be for myfamily and most of all, I prayed for having the opportunity to do so. Not manypeople get the chance to follow their dreams but here I was, living mine.

Through all this, Swaywould have never asked me to quit for the simple fact that she knew I would forher and I’m thankful she didn’t.

Just like that animalthat saw his prey in sight, I wouldn’t give up and she knew it.

After Dover, theseconds were turning into minutes as the minutes turned into hours. Days turnedto nights as the nights turned to weeks. All time seemed to be blurringtogether.

Half the time I didn’tknow what track I was at...just that I wasn’twhere I really wanted to be. But I also knew I needed this. I needed to provemyself. I needed to know those sacrifices were worth it. So in turn, I wasrelentless and wouldn’t stand for anyone getting in my way. That flavor thatswirled in my mouth at the beginning of this was now consuming my entire body.It pulsed through my veins, begging for the pressure release, bubbling to thesurface and I was left with the burning desire.

Every night I sat in mymotor coach or another hotel room wishing I had time to see Sway but with theseason winding down, time wasn’t possible. And every night the news reportspainted the picture of what I was becoming. Only now, the headlines read thingslike,

The Fire within will Rise Again

He lives on pure instinct just like hisracing. He’s strong and lithe, always anticipating their next move.

Tragedy attempted to end his chances at theseries title but this dominant beleaguered rookie Rowdy Riley has his ownunrefined fight brewing.

For some reason, andI’m sure you can understand why, those were easier to stomach than the shitthey wrote about me and Darrin. It wasn’t like they still didn’t question thedisappearance, but they didn’t as often. It may have had something to do withthe fact that I never replied.

Before Martinsville, Ichecked on how the road trip was going, fearing Sway would have killed one ofthem by now, and by one of them, I mean my sister. I didn’t want my pregnantsoon to be wife going to jail for murder.

“Hey Van, how’s thetrip going?” I waited in the hauler for Spencer to return so we could fly outto Martinsville. I had a shitload of press to do there so we had to leavestraight from California to Virginia. Lately, to get seat time, I’d been racingtriple headers.

“Now that Ms. Sway andI drugged Emma with Nyquil, it’s a more peaceful trip.”

I laughed putting myshoes on and balancing the phone on my shoulder as I tied them.

“How’s Sway doing?”Sway and I spoke often and many times throughout the day, not to mention we’dbeen texting like high school girls in the back of biology class but I wantedto know Van’s thoughts, I knew how observant he was.

“I assure you she’sfine Jameson.” Van told me with a laugh. “You know I take her safety seriously,right?”

I sunk into the couchcontemplating what he said.

“I do Van.” I replied.“I think you in particular can understand how much she means to me and howimperative it is to me that she’s kept safe.”

“I do,” he assured me.There was a pause before he added. “We should be in Elma by Wednesday asplanned if we can keep Emma under control.”

“Good luck with that.”I laughed freely. “And people wonder why I tried to auction her off at the zoowhen she was seven.”

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