Page 168 of Black Flag

We only had an hourbefore he needed to leave for Olympia to meet Wes, but as Ilaidthere, wrapped in the warm comfort of his arms, sex was the furthest thing frommy mind.

That’s a crock of shitas I wasalwaysthinking about sex with him, but at that moment I wastrying not to. I wanted woo, and the romantic woo that left him holding me.

“I’ll be home soonhoney.” Jameson breathed kissing the top of my head and then tucking it nicelyunder his chin. “And then...”

“Then we get married!”I exclaimed with a beaming smile.

“Yes, then we getmarried.Finally.”

“So after we getmarried, then what?”

“What do you mean?” Hepulled back to look at me. “I have the awards ceremony in Vegas the followingweekend and then Christmas.”

“Well,” I spoke slowly.“I know we can’t go on our honeymoon just yet, with me being on bed rest.”

“We can drive somewhereand then after the baby is born we can go someplace.Justus.”He winked.

“That sounds nice. Whendoes testing start for next season?”

I felt his body tense.“Two weeks after Christmas. I got the Chili Bowl and then testing starts.”

That’s the shitty thingabout being a race car driver, you don’t get time off. And when you do, it’sshort lived.

Jameson left shortlyafter that and of course it was a sad tearful goodbye. I wasn’t sure if thetears were from him leaving or from him not taking Emma with him. Either way,there were a lot of tears.

I was in a really crappymood by the second week without Jameson. It didn’t help matters that I wantedsex, not this reciprocating motion shit either. I wanted a good hard pressforging. I wanted the kind of press forging that would leave me walking with alimp. Excuse me for being so blunt but a pregnant woman can only take so much.

When I mentioned thisto Jameson, after being an incredible bitch to him one afternoon on the phone,it led to averydescriptive tech support of what he’d do to me inanother seven weeks.

It didn’t help myfrustration, it just invigorated it. It became its own organism after that.

“What flavor is thatone?” Emma asked peering over my shoulder as I ate my ice cream, trying to feedmy organism. She was a demanding little bitch.The organism...and Emma.

“Uh...Cheesecake Brownie,” I looked at thefront to be sure. “Yeah, Cheesecake Brownie,”

“Let me try it.” Shereached over the top of my arm to grab it.

“No,” I pushed Emma offme. “This one ismine. Get your own.”

“But I want to try thatone.”

I kicked her drawing mynarcotic closer to my chest in a protective measure. “Get your own.”

“But I—”

“No!” I interjectedlosing control. “I’m sick and tired of you acting like a goddamn child Emma!Grow up!” I shouted and made my way back to my bedroom, leaving Van laughing atEmma. I knew this had more to do with just ice cream but I was having a littlebreakdown today. I wanted so badly to be with Jameson on his last race but no,I was bedridden.

Fuck you Darrin, fuckyou!

I had this clown in myroom and I hated clowns. Any time I felt any anger about what Darrin had doneto us, I took my frustrations out on the clown. He now only had one arm, half atorso, one leg and his foot was hanging on by a thread. I was convinced he’d bedestroyed by the time these three weeks were over.

Feeling slightly likean ass for yelling at Emma, I was about to go find her when Charlie joined me.

“Hey kiddo, scootover.”

This was a new ritualfor us. Charlie and I would lie in my bed, watch reality TV and eat ice creamfor hours.

Helaiddown beside, fluffing a pillow behind his head before looking over at me as hetook the lid off his Brownie Batter ice cream. He reached for the new chubattached to his mid-section. “I blame you for this.”

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