Page 170 of Black Flag

This did nothing todeter her at all, nor did she answer me. I was beginning to worry about thelack of oxygen going to her brain—it was all coming out her mouth. Jameson wasright; she doesn’t breathe enough when speaking.

Two hours later Iturned toward her, “Are you finished or are we still having a conversation?”

This didn’t seem toaffect her either. I began to wonder if there was in fact something wrong withher. I mean seriously, who has that much energy all the time? It just confirmedmy suspicions that she was secretly on some sort ofpsychostimulantdrug.

I never felt bad aboutdrugging her on the way home from New Hampshire. You can’t blame us really, andif you do, you’ve obviously never traveled with her.

On Friday, whileJameson was now in Florida for the last race of the season, he called me afterqualifying was over. “Are you excited to see me in three days?”

“Yeah,” I respondedwryly, my attention focused on Blubber, Logan’s pet hamster who hadn’t moved fromhis place on his wheel. He was like a big fat blob.

Logan was convinced Ineeded parenting skills,which I did. But the fact that a six-year oldpointed this out left me somewhat bitter. So he left me in charge of hishamster while he was at school.

“Geez...try to contain your excitement for me,”Jameson replied. “It’s a little overwhelming.”

I could hear thecommotion around him and knew he was calling me from the track.

“I’m sorry. I’m hamstersitting and it’s not looking too good. He hasn’t moved all day. And I’m sure heshould have shit by now.”

“Uh, that sounds likehe’s dead,” He replied with a laugh.

“Oh, well that’s justfucking great. My first attempt at parenting and look what happens!” I wailedreaching for my trusty box of Kleenex. “I can’t do this.”

“Just get another onefor him.” he suggested trying to reason with me. “Why are you babysitting ahamster anyways?”

“I’m not so sure thatwill work.” I ignored his babysitting question. “Wouldn’t he notice if Ireplaced Blubber?”

“Doubt that.” Hesnorted. “Last week he had his pants on backwards for the majority of the dayand didn’t notice. What makes you think he’d notice a new hamster?”

“It’s just that’s alittle more work than I wanted to put into this whole babysitting thing.” Ireplied sardonically. “Do they stuff hamsters? Maybe if I had him stuffed,Logan would never notice.”

“Yeah because havinghim stuffed would clearly be less work than buying a new one.”

“Jerk.”

“So anyways,” he said,changing subjects. “I’m really missing you.”

It was times like thisthat I was reminded of what he meant to me. He had the weight of the world onhis shoulders right now while my problems were nowhere near the magnitude ofhis but here he was, just listening. And here I was complaining about a deadhamster but he was just listening.

I could sense the fear,the pressure and the overwhelming anxiety in his voice. I decided the onlyappropriate answer here would be sending a picture of the funbags.

This helped of course,and led to another amazing episode of technical support. We were getting reallygood at tech support these days.

After we hung up Idecided hamster sitting was not in my future and would be handing the newpurchased hamster over before I could commit another homicide. I couldn’t have twoon my conscience, one maybe, two, no way. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night.

Charlie came to visitlater that night while I watched Jameson on Trackside Live. Jameson wasentertaining, handsome and left me crying because I wasn’t there with him.

“Hey what’s the matterwith you?” Charlie asked handing me the Chunky Monkey as a peace offering.

“I’m sorry I just...had a long day and ImissJameson.” I told him sobbing as I continued my rant. “And then I wasbabysitting Logan’s hamster and the son of a bitch died on me...and I miss my dirty heathen. Do you knowhow long it’s been since we’ve had sex?”

Charlie was notprepared for that last statement. He didn’t answer, justlaidback on my bed and continued to watch the show as if I never said anything.

“Why is this pillowpurring?” He finally asked after a good thirty minutes of silence.

“Because...you’re on Mr. Jangles, dad,”

Another few moments ofsilence passed and Charlie chuckled. “You know that hamster died last week.Logan just refuses to get rid of it.”

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