Page 19 of Black Flag

Sway sniffled after afew minutes and turned her head to look at me, her eyes red, swollen and stillfull of the love I didn’t deserve but she gave it to me unconditionally.

She spoke first. “Notthat I everwantedto have this conversation, but we’re going to.”

“What conversation?” Iasked my voice unusually horse, fearing the worst.

“We’re going over theroster.” I could tell this wasnotsomething she wanted to do but forher sanity, she needed to.

I, on the other hand,was sick to my stomach instantly thinking of anyone that had ever touched Swayin the ways I had.

Her hand reached out totouch me softly. The instant her skin touched mine I felt calmer already, well,a little calmer. I was not prepared for this.

“I lost my virginity toDylan Grady when I was sixteen in the back of my truck at Elma during one ofyour races.” She confessed. “It was horrible. He was rough and it hurt.”

This is worse than Ithought.

My stomach lurched rememberingwhy she disappeared that night. “I’m glad I smashed it with a fucking tree.” Imuttered looking out the window.

Sway chuckled lightly.The sound brought me back to the conversation.

“He never talked to meagain.”

“I’m going to kill himthe next time I see him.” I knew he never talked to her again and I was sure ithad something to do with me breaking his jaw but it didn’t stop the fact that Iwanted to kill him now.

“The next time was withCooper.”

I knew about him too. Iremembered him taking her to the senior prom. I was off racing in Californiathat night.

I pulled at my haironce more. This was harder than I thought it was going to be because we grew upwith all these guys. I could have been that guy all along but no, I’m just astubborn fucker who thought she was too good for me. Judging by my recentbehavior, I was absolutely correct.

“And then there wasMike.”

I groaned, unable tohear anymore.

“So let’s hear it.” Sheturned toward me.

“Sway...” I shook my head. This was notsomething I even admitted to myself, let alone Sway.

“No, Jameson.” Her eyesfocused on mine, pleading. “I will not be surprised when someone comes up to meand says they I slept with my boyfriend.”

I was sure she didn’twant to hear this at all. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

After a long moment ofsilence, I decided to be honest with her and myself. “The first was Chelsea inhigh school after that night we spent up at Dayton Peak and you left withCooper.” I watched her face fall with disappointment. “I only slept with heronce.”

“Really?”

“Yeah it was horrible.”I sighed running my hand over my jaw. “The rest I don’t really remember. I’mnot sure I even know how many.”

“Ballpark figure then...?”

Knowing my past, Ididn’t want to even say. It was embarrassing.

“Thirty, maybe,” I wasexpecting her to gasp or something but her facial expression never changed.Thirty was probably a lie too. I honestly had no idea. It wasn’t like I waskeeping track of the nameless fillers. Deep down, I knew the number was closerto fifty but I couldn’t say it. I was disgusted with myself for that time in mylife.

“Ashley?” she asked.

“Yes, once.” I admittedtrying to block out the thoughts.

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