Page 37 of Black Flag

He was right behind me,and took my elbow when we reached it.

Jameson then pushed meback against the side where it was private between his and Bobby’s haulers.

I paused, looking athim quizzically, and he raised his hand to curl it around my neck. Toweringover me, I tried to repress an excited little shiver as he gazed down.

“I love you,” he saidsoftly. “Everything’s going to be okay, I’ll make sure of it.”

I felt happy tears fillmy eyes as I gazed at the man that was my future.

How do define being inlove? Is it a feeling, a thought, or maybe just a sensation? Do you feel itwhen you touch, or kiss? Or do you sense it when he speaks?

To me, I could look atJameson and feel it. I could touch him and be it. Love isn’t just a feeling.It’s thoughts, sensations, feelings, gestures, and all together they define aword.

Love.

A word to some is justa word. But to me, it was a kiss before a race, a nod in my direction, a winkof reassurance and a loving embrace late at night. Love wasn’t just a word tome...it was everything.

Despite being in love,we were young and learning the hard way that nothing in life was certain. Butthere was no doubt in my mind we had something very special together.

Yeah, I was crazyirrational pigizzle and he was a hotheaded dirty talking heathen butthis,what we had, was worth fighting for.

In that moment, Irealized he was renewing his declaration from last night in the middle of thepaddock. The smell of racing surrounded us. The smells of our lives withrevving engines and air tools swirling through the air, but I wouldn’t have itany other way. It was different from our time in the grandstands under theTennessee moonlight, but the two situations balanced what we were and hadbecome perfectly.

“I love you,” I saidkissing him and putting my heart, my trust, and the future of me and our unbornchild, in his hands, the only place we ever belonged. “You can be sure ofthat.”

And just like that, mydirty heathen returned like I knew he would. “I want to strip every stitch ofclothing off you and fall to my knees at your feet. I want to worship you,right here, right now.” He pushed his hips against me, pinning me to the sideof his hauler. He smiled ruefully down at me. “I want you Sway.All of you.All of the time.”

I bit my lipapprehensively. “That’s a good thing, right?”

He shook his headslowly. “Yes,” His eyes changed, burning with love and lust evenly. “averygood thing.”

I moaned and his mouthclamped down on my neck, taking a hard sucking bit, as goose bumps shiveredacross my skin. He knew exactly what would clench the deal for me, not that hiswords before hadn’t already thrown in the checkered flag, but the growling ofhis voice when he spoke “very” sent me over the edge.

4.BackMarker – Jameson

BackMarker – A car running off the pace near the rear of the field.

Beep...beep...beep

“Damn it!” I punchedthe alarm clock off the night stand. “Stupid fucking alarm,”

After missing a fewraces, my body seemed to have gotten used to the extra sleep. Now I didn’t wantto wake up.

Beep...beep...beep

Since punching itdidn’t work, I chucked it across the length of my motor coach, hoping it didthe trick this time.

Beep...beep...beep

Apparentlynot.

I was sure at thatpoint the goddamn thing could be bombed and still make that atrocious noise.

“Goddamn the person whodecided it was a good idea to get up early. Goddamn the person who inventedalarm clocks. Goddamn the entire fucking world right now!”

I continued to mumbleunintelligently about all the people and inventions over the years that Ithought deserved to be stuck down by lightening. It made me feeling slightlybetter about having to get up at five AM for an interview instead of being withSway today.

I understood completelythat she had an obligation to the track. With Charlie going crazy lately, Ineeded her there to keep things under control. I received daily calls from MarkKelly, our track facilitator, about all the things going wrong. I was beginningto think running a track, managing a sprint car team and racing full time onthe cup series might be a too much but those were just thoughts.

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