Page 56 of Black Flag

I wonder why theydon’t. With everything we have to lose in an instant, I wondered what kept usall from going insane.

People were constantlyasking me how I was doing since they found out about Charlie. How in the hellwas I supposed to know? Was there a mood ring built inside of me that I couldlook at and say well, you know, it’s purple so I guess I’m okay right now.

After the tenth personcame by and asked me how I was holding up, I got to the point where I wasacting like Jameson and ignoring questions I didn’t want to answer. If he coulddo it with the media, I saw no reason why couldn’t do it.

I’d blame it all on thepregnancy hormones but really, I was just annoyed. There my boyfriend wasfalling down drunk. Spencer was riding a mechanical bull. Emma was pretendingto read peoples palms and Aiden well; he was playing a practical joke onJameson and I really didn’t care to know the specifics. There I was, sippingwater, trying to keep an eye on four crazy drunks all at once. I had enough onmy mind; I couldn’t concentrate on how I was doing.

“Sway?”Tommy called out, his orange hair matted with whatappeared to sweat. “Hey, uh, isn’t Jameson like allergic to crab?”

“Yes—why?”

“Because,” He pointedtoward the vendor food booths where Jameson was now competing in an “all youcan eat” crab feed with Spencer and Justin.

“Tommy—whatthe fuck?”I yelled. “That could kill him!”

“I’ve been watching forlike twenty minutes...this is a hoot.”

“You fucking idiot,” Ipunched his shoulder. “If you were watching and you knew he was allergic tocrab, why didn’t you say something?”

“I wasn’tsureif he was allergic to crab and clearly, that shit is entertaining!” he pointedtoward Spencer who started barfing on the side of the stage.

“Jameson!” Iscreamed over the crowd when he walked off the stage. “Jameson!”

His eyes searched forme and when those swollen eyes found me, I could tell he was already having areaction. His lips were puffy, his eyes were bloodshot, swollen, and his wordswere slurred.

“Swwwwayyyy...whrrr...carrrryoooouuu?”

I managed to getJameson over to our track care center and amazingly, they had some Benadryl. Ihanded him the small cup full of Benadryl and told him to drink it while I peedfor the hundredth time tonight.

When I returned Spencerwas with him, the bottle of Benadryl was completely gone and Spencer was nowhanding him a bottle of Jack Daniels, with a straw.

“I will never make itthrough the entire night like this.” I thought to myself when the bottle wasgone.

Around four thatmorning, wishing I was sleeping; I was searching the house for Spencer.

“Where’s Spencer?” Iasked Jameson, kicking his legs as he sprawled out on my bedroom floor.

“I don’t know.” Hisarms flung over his head when I turned the light on.

“What do you mean,youdon’t know?”

“That’s exactly what Imean.” Jameson threw himself back against the floor after kicking his bootsoff. “I lost him in the crowd.”

“How did you lose him?He’s like six foot two and the size of a goddamn bear.”

“This is hardly myfault. He was your responsibility to watch.”

It’s sad that Spencerneeded babysitting but completely justifiable.

“Fuck Jameson! How thehell did this happen?” I started to panic. “I was only gone for thirty minutes.You guys were supposed to come right backhere!”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you know anything?”I knew this would get me nowhere but I had to try.

“I don’t know.”

“Jesus Christ Jameson!”I threw my arms up in the air pacing my dimly lit room.

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