Page 79 of Black Flag

I’ve found that thebasis to being a competitive and successful race car driver was what I gave upto do it. Sleep, friends, and any chance at a normal life. I sacrificed it allfor the moment when I could call myself a champion. Sure I’d won trackchampionships before and the USAC Triple Crown National title but to have onein the big leagues, that’s what I wanted.

And I’ll admit thatthere were days when those sacrifices seem worthwhile like winning a race ormaking a pint sized fans’ day by signing his t-shirt. Then there were days wheneverything felt like a sacrifice and I didn’t even know myself anymore or why Iwas doing any of it. Like the other night with Darrin. Those were the times Iquestioned this lifestyle.

But then there were theparts of my life that I couldn’t figure outwhyI was giving them up.Not being there for Sway being the biggest.

I can’t say I regrettedthe decision to become a race car driver but there were times when I honestlyfelt alone with the lifestyle, the politics, and the overwhelming push toperform.

I couldn’t have normalfriendships because what kind of friend wants to hang out on my terms? On thecontrary, this was the life I’d chosen and I knew I would always be faced withsacrifices, some I would be okay with and others, well, they were harder todeal with but still I sacrificed for the glory.

What I worried mostabout were the sacrifices my family was forced to make. Was I worth them givingup any chance at a normal life? Would Sway resent this lifestyle after a fewyears? Would my brother and sister, two people who have stood by me througheverything?

Then there’s Sway. Sureshe said she wanted to be with me but if she had told me that she didn’t wantto be with me, do you think I would have taken that well?

Highlydoubtful.

Getting ready to getinside my car for the race, I had the ring was tucked inside my racing suitbecause I couldn’t risk Sway finding it in the motor coach or the Lucifer twinsexposing me.

Sway stood beside me,enduring the constant repetitive media, all with the same polite smiles. I onlywished I had as much patience as she did for all this.

“You were secondquickest in practice and qualified on the pole for today’s race. What do youthink your chances for a win are?” a reporter I didn’t recognize asked me as Istood next to the car.

Tate walked past mewith a smile on his face, tipping his head and offering his best. I did thesame and then leaned the direction of the reporter keeping my standard stancethe media liked to refer to as the “Rowdy Way”.

“You know withDarlington, it’s a battle with drivers and the track. Everybody goes for itbeing a night race. There’s a lot of bumpin’ andbangin’,it’s an interesting and exciting race with a track that will add its twosenseas well.” I replied. “There’s no telling what canhappen. It depends on the other drivers who we’re battling with. If the cardsplay out, hopefully we’ll pull through with a victory.”

Just like any interviewwith a pressing reporter looking for the next big story, the interview shiftedto my personal life.

“We hear you’re goingto be a daddy soon. Does this effect you’re career now? Will the Rowdy Rileyfinally be tamed?” the reporter smirked.

I laughed shaking myhead and deciding on how exactly I would answer.

For a moment, I focusedmy attention on the new paint scheme of my car for this weekend. It wasn’tunheard of for different sponsors to shell out money to change a paint schemeto promote business sales. This weekend Ayers Manufacturing, who sponsored mysprint cars, teamed with Simplex Shocks andSprings.So my usual black and red car was now white, with red flames and black numbers.I kind of liked it. It reminded me of my USAC midget I used to race in ‘98, theyear I won the Triple Crown.

Bobby walked by shakingmy shoulder with a roguish punch offering a friendly, “Good luck bud.”

I smiled returning thegesture.

“I really don’t thinkyou cantameme on the track.” I said to thereporter with a laugh. “And yes, we are expecting a child.”

It was surprising to mejust how quickly I found myself being conscious of my decisions and how theymight influence Sway and the baby. What the media wanted to know wasn’tnecessarily what Sway wanted them to know.

“How do you feel aboutNASCAR’s decision to increase the penalty issued to Darrin after youraltercation on the track at Pocono?”

I felt my body tenseremembering last night.

Letting out a sarcasticlaugh and resisting the urge to shove the microphone us his ass at the suddenshift in the questions, I answered. “I personally don’t think the fine wasanywhere near what it should have been.” My tone though sharp, remainedcomposed for the sake of those around me. They didn’t deserve another outburstlike the one I had last night; specifically Sway. “NASCAR should have suspendedhim from racing altogether after what he did. He could have killed me.”

NASCAR had increasedthe penalty issued to Darrin to $100,000 and upheld the suspension through theend of the year. As far as a lawsuit against Darrin, we had nothing. Hell, wecouldn’t even keep him away from us.

Sway must have sensedmy discomfort with the conversation and shifted closer, her arm circled aroundmy waist to lean into me.

After the nationalanthem, a pair of F-16’s flew over and invocation was given. Sway and Emma saidtheir goodbyes before heading to the pit box.

I glared at Emma buthugged her anyway when she wished me luck.

I laughed at Sway’s JARRacingsweatshirt she put on to hide her bump anddragged her into a tight embrace.

Reaching up, she angledmy face toward her to whisper in my ear.

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