Page 83 of Black Flag

I had imagined proposingtoSwaysome place romantic, on the beach orsurrounded by candles. A place, a moment, where I confessed my undying love forher, but that wasn’t us. Being at a race track, that was us. I’d been holdingon to the fantasy that I could create the perfect proposal for the perfectwoman. I failed to realize, that wasn’t us.

My eyes focused onhers, warm emeralds gazing back at me with adoration, devotion, worship, love...I saw it all in that one glance. Iwatched her for a moment, her face flushed from the excitement of being invictory lane. Dancing around with my family, she was breathtaking. The cameraflashes illuminated her skin in the summer night surrounding us. Covered inbeer, sweat, champagne, I knew this was perfect because it balanced out everythingwe were when everything else was loose.

In that moment, Ididn’t care that the whole world was watching. I didn’t care that peoplesurrounded us.

Sway noticed me leaningagainst the hood of my car, a familiar stance, watching her. She made her way throughthe crowd toward me, our eyes locked. When she finally reached me she stopped,smiled, and wrapped her arms around my neck, her delicate body molding to mineas it always did.

Slowly I reached up totake her face gently in my hands, kissing her softly. She didn’t hesitate tothrow herself into the kiss, it didn’t matter to her that we were surrounded bypeople or that the entire world was watching.

I continued to kiss herfor a moment and then pulled away with a chuckle. Suddenly I was nervous. Drawingin a deep ragged breath that probably sounded ridiculous, Sway glanced up atme, concern flashing over her features when she noticed my breathing hadincreased.

One of the first thingswe learn as a kid is how to communicate with others through speaking. This isironic because as we get older we tend to have difficulty coming up with wordsto effectively tell someone how we really feel.

Sure, you can chalk upthis difference between children and adults to a greater consciousness ofsocial graces, or fear of rejection, but really, there is no excuse.Ultimately, adults must learn to rely on, and appreciate, a different method.

Words are noteverything. It is what youdothat matters.

Kids throw tantrumswhen they don’t get what they want. Hell, I’ve resorted to that tactic too. I’mnot saying that this is the best way to go about things. What I’m saying isthat, sometimes, actions are needed in order to get you noticed. To get youtrue feelings heard, the words that fluttered around in my head like a knockingengine, eluding diagnosed, always ended up expressed most effectively throughmy actions.

“Sway,” I breathedagainst her lips before looking into eyes that reflected all the love I had forher. “I’ve...been in love with youfor longer than I can remember.” She smiled nervously fumbling with the collarof my suit. “Now I know I’ve made some mistakes, but I will never hurt you likethat again.” My head tipped, her gaze followed.

She looked at meconfused as to where I was going with this in the middle of victory lane,onnational television.

I smiled back.

Surrounded by ourfamily and friends, teammates and fans, I’d never seen our future as clear as Idid right then. I knew what I wanted and what I wanted to say.

Finally taking her lefthand in my trembling one, Islowlydropped down on one knee in front ofher while she sat on the hood of my race car.

Sway gasped loudly, hereyes rimmed with tears and put her hand over her mouth. “Oh my—”

She knew.

I shook my head,interrupting her, struggling with my own emotions. “Just...let me do this,please.”

“No, Jameson...this is for you.” She tried tugging onmy arm. “This isyourtime to celebrate, don’t...”

I grinned shaking myhead. “Don’t you see...It’s not though,honey.It’s always been me and you since we were eleven.Without you, none of this would be possible. You were there for me when mycareer began and I have no doubt you’ll be there when it ends. So this...” I motioned to victory lane. “isabout you and me.”

Pounding heart, shakinghands and well, my breathing was a little ragged too but I managed to reachinside my racing suit and pull her grandmothers ring out.

Her eyes dropped to myhand, widening when she took in the ring.

Sway nodded, almostfrantically for me to continue. By then, I noticed the party going on around ushalted and every eye in victory lane was now focused Sway and I. Here we were,surrounded by the world but I only saw her.

Slowly I opened theblack velvet box, revealing the ring, earning me yet another gasp and greatdeal of tears from Sway.

“Sway Marie Reins...” I was embarrassed to say my voicecracked. “I promise to love you every moment of forever...will you marry me?”

Her eyes that were gluedto the ring slowly met mine. She stared at me long and hard, not immediatelyanswering. I tried to be patient, but not knowing what she was thinking or ifshe would say yes was driving me mad.

But she surprised me,as she often does by whispering an emotional, “Yes.” tears streaming down hercheeks.

I smiled widely; kissedher hand I was holding and then slipped the ring on her finger.

It was no longer justSwayand me in that moment once she said yes. It was theentire fucking world. Both our families were in our faces, the media was there,fans were screaming that they just witnessedthe proposalin person...it was a shit storm but I didn’t regretit, or at least I didn’t in that moment.

Even with the swarm ofpeople screaming around us, Sway reached for me as I reached for her. In thatmoment, we let the world slip away once again and enjoyed the peace within ourtiny bubble of perfection.

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