Page 37 of Saving Barrette

“Though I can’t believe you gave it up to that fool, I’m not surprised if you did.” Roman twists his head, his eyes wander to mine. “You know, he’s never with any other girl.Ever. Even the cheerleaders. Never touches them. Guess you got him pussy whipped.”

I shove his shoulder. “Stop being gross.” Though I know I have absolutely no say in anything Asa does, it’s refreshing to know he’s not interested in anyone. Especially girls like Eva or Bethany, two cheerleaders I know who are obsessed with him.

I think about Roman’s words.I can’t believe you gave it up to that fool.They used to be friends and I don’t know how or why the shift happened. In my heart, I know it has to do with me and that night. “Why are you so mean to him? You used to be friends.”

“Mean to him? This isn’t kindergarten, B. It’s fucking life, and he’s the one who acts like a king around here. And yeah, we were friends before he pushed everyone away. You’re just too nice to remember he did the same to you.”

“He does not act like he’s king,” I defend, my heartbeat quickening. Yeah, Asa pushed me away when we were younger, but I can’t forget that he was taking care of his mom. He was fifteen and his mom was dying. He wouldn’t have been Asa if he didn’t give 100 percent of himself to helping her. He’s the most selfless person I know. “He’s nothing but humble.”

Roman snorts, smiling. “Yeah, humble, sure. I gotta say though, I’d probably be the same way with you.”

“With me?” My words shake, and I fidget with my pillowcase. “What are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. You’re Barrette Blake. Every guy’s wet dream for sure.” His eyes lift to mine and there’s a sudden edge to him I’ve never seen before. “Remember when we made out?”

Nausea rolls through me and I laugh around the feeling, trying not to look as uneasy as I am. “Don’t remind me.” I want him out my room in an instant. My throat tightens and tears sting my eyes. I breathe in through my nose, then let it out slowly, trying to rid the feeling inside my chest. The ones that scream and suffocate, the ones that tell me to withdraw and hide away from everything.

Roman lets out a gruff laugh and pushes the pizza box away, his mood lightening a touch, but there’s still a change in his demeanor. “I can’t believe I ate two pizzas.”

I pick through his pieces of crust he never eats and nibble on one. My stomach rolls when I take the first bite. My body isn’t craving food. It’s craving Asa and I hate that he’s not here, and Roman is, but I have to pass this class.

Roman reaches for the beer he brought over with him. “Do you remember it though?”

“Yeah, I remember.” I look over at him tossing the crust back in the box. “Why?” I remember the night. Sophomore year of high school. I was so confused and had no idea what I was doing. I remember thinking to myself, I should feel something when a boy is kissing me, right? I felt nothing.

Roman takes a slow drink from his beer, his eyes heavy on mine. “Why did you stop me?”

“Your sister was in the other room.”

“So?” he presses, still watching my every reaction. His eyes slide from mine to my lips.

Fear pricks my skin and I tremble. “She walked in on us.”

“If she hadn’t, I would have tried to fuck you,” he says, point-blank.

It feels like a bullet hits my chest with his words. Something about them doesn’t sit right with me. My hands start shaking and I don’t know why. I look at the clock, then my phone on my desk and think of Asa. I look at the door to the bathroom and think of Cadence on the other side of the room. We may not be much of friends anymore, but I hate what he puts her through and now here he is working on me. And then my eyes drift to the mason jar on my nightstand and Roman’s use of the wordtry. I don’t like it.

Roman’s quiet beside me and I wonder if he’s fallen asleep when I glance over at him. His eyes are on his beer. He’s concentrating, deep in thought with the way his brow is scrunched. “Would you have let me?”

I raise an eyebrow, curling my legs up and wrapping my arms around them. “Have sex with me?” I don’t like this conversation or how it makes my stomach ache.

“Yes.”

“That’s a weird question to be asking me.”

“Answer it,” he demands, his voice harder than before.

I blink, unprepared for his harshness. “Answer what?”

“Stop avoiding the question.” Roman stares at me, his expression completely serious as he draws his brows together, piercing blue eyes narrowing. “Would you have let me?”

I draw in a quick breath and then slowly exhale, trying to make sense of his mood and my reaction to it. “No, I wouldn’t have.”

“Why not? Because I’m not Asa Lawson?”

My hands shake, my voice wavering. “Because I’ve never felt that way about you.”

He nods, a smirk on his lips. “Is that so?”

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