Page 42 of Saving Barrette

“That’s enough!” Coach shouts, standing in between us.

“Oh yeah? You’re so fucking perfect, Asa? You don’t think you let her down?” Roman smiles vindictively. “Not even a little bit?”

Of course he brings her back into it. I lean into Coach and glare. I don’t even see him. I look straight through him to Roman. “You sure you want to do this right now, Roman?” I ask, despite us being pulled apart by teammates. “You sure you want to have this conversation, here, right now?”

“Yes.”

And I can’t believe it. He laughs like I’m joking with him, but I’m not and he knows that too. He knows I’m about to say shit to him he’s not going to want to hear. It’s like he’s playing chicken with me, so I’ll be the first to say it.

Fuck that. I won’t. I push past Coach and I shove Roman roughly against the wall.

His arms catch himself against the lockers, metal rattling as he eyes me carefully. Coach Benning breaks it up quickly and threatens suspension, so I walk away. I walk away because I know myself and given the chance, I can destroy my future with one punch.

BACK IN MYdorm, I find the bottle of Red Label I know Terrell keeps under his bed for special occasions. It’s a special occasion. It’s a “fuck you” day.

I drink the entire bottle, or what’s left of it, knowing damn well I shouldn’t. I put my phone on vibrate because I know seeing Barrette in this condition will only lead to trouble. At some point, I pass out.

I sleep all of Sunday. I don’t remember anything from that day other than my face against the bathroom floor a few times.

When I wake up Monday morning, Terrell is hovering over me shaking his head. “Dude….” He kicks me in the stomach. Not hard, but enough that I’m sitting up. “You puked on my bed last night.”

I steady myself against the wall when I sit up, my hands in my hair as I try to regain some sort of composure. “Sorry, man.”

Terrell looks at my face. I bet I don’t look like a star football player or someone who maintains a solid GPA all year long. I look like a goddamn train wreck. He glances at me, sighs, and then walks out the door. After the other night, I can honestly say I gotta give props to Terrell for still talking to me. I remember bits and pieces of it, and I did puke on his bed. While he was in it.

What the fuck is wrong with me? What am I doing to myself?

I’m running late to class this morning and word on campus is my fight with Roman in the locker room. I should have known it would be all over the place. No punches were even thrown, but that’s college for you. Everyone talks.

I sit in class, unfortunately next to Eva, who finds me and slides into the seat next to me. I’m drinking coffee and chasing that with water, Gatorade, and painkillers, trying to rid the pounding in my head.

“Rough night?” Eva asks, smiling at me.

I grunt and slouch in my chair, flipping my phone around in my hand. I haven’t talked to Barrette since before the game on Saturday, and I’m getting anxious. I almost didn’t even come to class, but I needed to hand in my paper.

Eva touches my hand. “I could make it better for you.”

“Doubt that,” I mumble, shifting away from her and scanning the room for any other open seat. There are none.

“Does she make it better?”

I look at Eva out of the corner of my eyes. “What?” My words are pushed out in annoyance that she keeps trying to get with me. Why is she so into me? Sure, I can play football, but when have I ever given any of these cheerleaders an indication I’m into any of them? I haven’t. I’m nice, but apparently, maybe I need to cool it with the niceness too.

She tucks a strand of her newly blonde hair behind her ear. I fight off an eye roll that she dyed her damn hair a lighter color. “Barrette… she’s your girlfriend, am I right?”

“Yeah, she is.” I’ve never said it out loud, but even though we haven’t put a label on it, Barrette is so much more than a girlfriend. There isn’t even a word for what she means to me. I gesture between us. “You and I are never happening. I don’t mean to sound like a dick, but you’re not getting the hints. We’re never gonna happen.”

At first, I don’t look at her. And then she laughs and I glance over. She covers her mouth. “Sorry, I just… no one has ever turned me down over someone like Barrette Blake. I honestly thought she was seeing Roman. They seemed pretty cozy in class the other day.”

Someone like Barrette Blake? Like she’s suddenly not good enough? And Roman? Fucking Roman? I knew they talked and had a couple classes buttogether? I don’t fucking think so. And that’s where I’ve had enough. “Why don’t you just mind your own business and stick to what you’re good at, cheerleading and fucking anybody but me.”

I’m about to walk out of class but noise beside me draws my attention. It’s Terrell. He frowns, annoyed with me, probably for puking on his bed, and then leans forward eyeing Eva. She looks like she’s about to cry and I don’t even feel bad about it. I played nice guy for too long. Done with it.

Terrell sits back, his eyes wide. “Daaaamn,Gina, why ya pissin’ off the ladies?”

I roll my eyes. I don’t say anything. I’m not sure I can.

Eva leaves, moving toward the rest of her friends in this class. Terrell nudges my shoulder and makes me spill my Gatorade down the front of my shirt. “Listen, A. You know you’re buying me newStar Warssheets, right?”

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