Page 44 of Saving Barrette

“Oh.” She flips her hand around. “It’s not Roman.”

I smile. “Thank God.” And then she doesn’t say anything, like I’m supposed to guess. “You know I’m never going to guess. I’m so stuck in my own head I barely know what day it is.”

Joey laughs. “Well, it’s not Roman… and it’s not Asa.”

I snort. “He can barely handle me,” I mumble.

“He can, and he does, girl. Don’t do that. We’ve talked about this.”

“I know, it’s just—” And then I stop myself because this conversation didn’t start about me, and it doesn’t need to continue that way. “Who is it? I’m dying to know.”

Joey giggles and watches two guys pass by us on the sidewalk. They stare at me, one winks. I look at the ground and pull my hood up. “T-Bone.”

My eyes widen and I shout, “Terrell? You went on a freaking date with Terrell Wilson?”

Playfully and barely able to contain her laughter, Joey slaps her hand over my mouth. “Not everyone on campus needs to know that, Barrette.”

It takes me a minute, but when I catch my breath, I’m finally able to formulate a response. “When? Does Asa know?”

“I don’t know if he knows, but yesterday after practice, he took me to get burgers. He paid, so I think it’s a date.” She shrugs, and for a half a second, I think about Asa saying he was too tired to hang out with me last night. “But I don’t know, it’s been a while. Is that not considered a date?”

“You’re asking the wrong girl. I’m having sex with my best friend and I barely talk to him. Pretty sure that’s not dating.” And then I watch the nervousness on her face, and for the first time, I realize she’s not as confident as I thought she was. She’s scared that it’s undefined and also, if I had to guess, uncomfortable with dating given what happened to her. “How did it come about? I didn’t even know you guys knew each other.”

“We take global health together and he asked if I wanted to get burgers with him. I said yes.”

I can’t help the smile on my face because she looks so damn happy. “Was he nice? I don’t know much about him other than him being Asa’s roommate.”

Joey looks over at me, blinking slowly, and I know the pink in her face isn’t from the cold. “He was so sweet. But he’s only ever been sweet to me. He told me about his mom and how she’s single and lives in Louisiana. I guess he almost didn’t come to UW because he didn’t want to leave her, but he was offered a full-ride so….”

“I wish I was good at something,” I tease. “I need a full ride.”

“I hear ya, sister. My parents can barely offer anything, and I’m going to be in debt the rest of my life over trying to get an education.”

“My parents paid for most of mine, but I think it was to get me out of their hair.”

Joey looks over at me. “Still don’t hear from them much?”

“Nope. Last time I talked to my mom was in August. They were in Japan on some kind of mission. Next thing you know they’re going to be bringing home a little adorable Japanese baby to replace the damaged one.”

“She still avoids talking about it with you?”

I nod. My parents didn’t take the rape well. I knew they wouldn’t, but my mom looked at me like I was damaged goods and my dad, I can’t even tell you the look of disappointment he had when he said, “I can’t believe you put yourself in that position.”

I know what you’re thinking. What the fuck, right? Pretty much my thoughts too.

I’ve never liked my parents. I pray someday I find out I’m adopted, and my parents are cool people, like Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. I think they’d be great parents for me. I read somewhere that babies choose their parents. I think I must have been confused the day I picked mine. Needless to say, it’s the topic of conversation with me and my therapist, and if I even mention it around Asa, he goes crazy with rage. For a month following the rape, I stayed with Asa instead of my house. I have a better relationship with his stepmom than I do my own.

We’re almost at our dorm. Joey’s going into detail about the date and that Terrell kissed her on the cheek. “On. The. Cheek. Like a perfect gentleman,” she gushes. “Who knew he could be so sweet.”

We laugh and swoon over it because looking at Terrell, you would never ever think he was capable of being sweet. He’s a 6’5” football player who pounds guys into the turf protecting Asa. And then I notice Asa is outside, sitting on a concrete bench. He doesn’t notice us yet, his attention on his phone.

“Look who’s there,” Joey whispers, smiling at me.

My heart drops and then pulses in my chest. I gasp at the cold, or maybe the idea of seeing him. Look at him. He’s beautiful wearing jeans and a purple and gold Husky hoodie. His cheeks are flushed, nose pink, eyes bright. He’s just come from practice and I want to run to him and wrap my arms around his neck. I want to kiss him and publicly display the love I have for him.

A group of girls approach Asa, their laughter barely contained when he stands and takes a picture with them. They cling to him, grabbing at his hoodie and desperately seeking a connection he’s incapable of. Much like myself, Asa would rather go unnoticed than revered. He hates the prying eyes watching his every move, but it comes with having the abilities he has.

He smiles, makes small talk with them and then they leave, huddled up in a group, whispering and wishing they had him. I’m jealous of the small glimpse they get of him smiling. I want those smiles for myself. As selfish as that sounds, it’s true.

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