Page 58 of Saving Barrette

I REALLY HAVEno idea what to expect at the football game. It’s been a whole year since I’ve been to a live game. We sit in the student section. It’s rambunctious and not at all what I should be around, but something happens while I’m suffocating between sweaty gold and purple bodies. It happens when I see Asa play the game of his life, despite the one person he’d like to kill being on the field with him. His confidence doesn’t waver, at least not on the outside. Here, with seventy thousand people watching him, he gives them what they come to see. A true leader.

The calmness he has on the field is unheard of. He’s always like that too. Sometimes I think the world could crumble around him and he’d still be able to throw a football. He plays with more passion, more commitment than I’ve ever seen, but then again, I don’t know that much about football players. I know about one, the guy who saved my life in more ways than I can tell you.

It’s not all easy watching the game. Not only am I so short I could pass for a child—which means I can’t see shit—Asa takes a couple of rough hits that leave me a little on edge.

I slouch uncomfortably in the hard plastic chair when he’s slow to get up. Watching him get injured is never easy. It always sends a jolt to my heart and sickness in my belly. I can guess why, but it seems every play he’s left wide-open by Codey. Codey is Roman’s roommate. He’ll defend that guy no matter what because Codey worships him. Unfortunately for Codey, he’d be a nobody on campus had he not been roomed with Roman—the campus manwhore—freshman year. “I hope he’s okay.”

“He’s fine,” Joey replies, leaning forward. “He’s tough and look”—she points to the fifty-yard line—“T-Bone helped him up.”

“Aw, cute.” I grin and waggle my eyebrows. “So when’s your next date?”

“He asked me to go to Baton Rouge for spring break.”

“Really?” The excitement I have for her date is crazy. “Are you going?”

Joey rolls her eyes. “I’m a broke college student who can barely afford lunch most days—which let’s face it—probably isn’t a bad idea for me, but I don’t think I can go.”

“Why not?” I watch her face, the pink flushed cheeks from the cold and her pretty dark eyes. “I mean if you can’t, that’s one thing, and I get it, but is there something else?”

“Does Asa know him very well? “

“I think so. They’ve been roommates for two years and last spring break they went to Mexico together. Between football and classes, they spend a lot of time together. I’d like to think he knows him.”

“And what does he say about him?” she asks, her eyes on the field. “Is he a good guy? I’ve heard he’s kind of a player.”

“Oh, well, yeah. He’s been around, but he’s always been very nice to me. Asa’s never said a bad thing about him.”

She snorts. “Has Asa ever said anything mean to anyone before?”

“Uh, yeah. Ask him his thoughts on Roman these days.”

Joey laughs, her eyes darting to mine, then the field. “True.”

Speaking of Roman, he sits on the bench most of the game, and when he does play, he’s wide-open and Asa throws anywhere but him. I can’t say I blame him. If I had the ball, I’d probably nail him in the dick with it.

I think, right then, what if it’s really him. I think back to every conversation I’ve had with him, shifting through hundreds of different memories, but I can’t pinpoint any one that screams, yes, it was him. I still don’t know, but I have my suspicions. Especially after the way he acted in my room that night.

The game is a blowout with the Huskies winning 41-14. Asa dominates the game in both passing yards and running the ball himself for two touchdowns. With their spot in the Fiesta Bowl secured, there’s a whirl of students rushing the field. I’m not comfortable enough to go down there, and Joey tells me she’d rather jab her eyeballs out than rush the field like a lunatic. So we wait. I wait.

As selfish as it sounds, I want Asa’s attention to myself. When I talk to him now, congratulate him, thank him for what he’s done for me, I want it to be just us where he isn’t being pulled in every direction.

He knows I’m here. He looks over at me, smiling. I wink, but I’m sure he won’t see me this far away.

It’s another hour of press and autographs before I see him again. He’s showered now and smells so good, a herd of press surrounding him. He’s struggling to get away from them when I catch his heated gaze on mine. I stand with my back pressed into the concrete wall and smile.

Watching him from a distance brings back all the memories of yesterday at the police station. The filing, the questions, all of it. For the most part, I’ve pushed the thoughts aside and I’m able to look past it, but they’re still there, still on the surface, waiting to come forward. The moment his blond hair comes into view, I’m no longer uneasy. Quite the opposite, actually. I’m relieved that through all that, through eighteen months of me being undecided and living day by day, of me needing days where I couldn’t handle myself let alone my thoughts, Asa remained the one consistent part of my life. Because of him, I’ve pushed forward and made the next step to healing.

In many ways, there are unhealthy aspects to our relationship. Parts we’re probably going to have to discuss sooner rather than later, but for now, I have Asa. My messy-haired boy who always puts his girl first.

Terrell walks up to Asa and throws him over his shoulder. I know Asa is nearly two hundred pounds so that couldn’t have been easy, but Terrell does this with little effort.

He carries him over to me. “This boyneedsto talk to you. He’s been talking about you all day, and frankly, I’m tired of it.”

“T-Bone, put me down,” Asa orders, his breath expelling in a gasp.

Terrell sets him on his feet, runs his hand over Asa’s head like he’s some kind of caring mother, pats his back and then his head again.

Asa rolls his eyes, his posture stiffening. “That’s not true.”

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